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The first rule of elevator club is don't talk to other members of elevator club. | true |
These mice watched a classic orson welles film for science | false |
What did the police do when they wanted to interrogate mark? question mark. | true |
Sorry i sprayed bug spray in your face. those fake eyelashes scared the hell out of me. | true |
U.s. distaste for turkish leader erdogan may have reached 'tipping point' | false |
Ryder blair, 7-month-old, waterskis like a pro (video) | false |
M.l.k. day 2017: a time for principled defiance | false |
Yogis celebrate the summer solstice in nyc's times square | false |
Veterans day: 'war/photography' debuts at museum of fine arts houston | false |
My wife says i can join your gang but i have to be home by 9. | true |
I'd eat more chicken if it was branded as tuna of the land. | true |
How smoothie queen jj smith created a flourishing weight loss empire | false |
James corden reveals donald trump's nsfw debate doodle | false |
Obama calls flint water crisis 'inexplicable and inexcusable' | false |
How do bees go to school? they take the buzz | true |
I once had a job circumcising elephants the pay was low, but the tips were *huge* | true |
How mentorship is helping more latino men earn college degrees | false |
Uk prime minister urges unity amid reports of 'hard brexit' | false |
Divorce diaries: do parents on their own need a plus one? | false |
Time warner to remove u.s. retirees from company health plan | false |
'i need you, i don't need you': viral video is a metaphor for parenting | false |
Why can't jim's make sandwiches? cause it was at my grannies, isn't it!!! | true |
Demi lovato brings florida shooting survivors on stage during tour | false |
It's a bird! no, its a plane! holy shit it's dave! | true |
Did yo hear about the hillary special at kfc? two fat thighs and a left wing for $2.99 | true |
Q: did i ever tell you the story about the broken pencil? a: it had no point. | true |
Fergie's headdress transports us to the far east (photos, poll) | false |
Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film. | true |
These are the real-life effects of trump's obamacare sabotage | false |
Sure, the mediterranean diet is good for you. but have you tried the nordic diet? | false |
What book did the rabbit take on vacation? one with a hoppy ending. | true |
Rory mcilroy late to ryder cup singles match over time zone confusion (video) | false |
What do you call a rich asian? *cha ching!* | true |
When i was 9, i was touched by an angel. angel martinez, currently serving 16 years. | true |
Kris humphries divorce from kim kardashian official nearly a year and a half after filing | false |
I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette. no strings attached | true |
I'm watching so many cute animals videos i think i'm developing aww-tism. | true |
Trump’s decision to keep parks open during shutdown puts politics before safety | false |
Found an expired condom. oh well, still ate it anyway. hope i don't get sick! | true |
Celebrities honor their moms on mother's day with sweet social media posts | false |
Sean rooks, nba coach and former player, dead at 46 | false |
I can't imagine the difficulties of growing up with 2 gay dads double the dad jokes. | true |
Here at the klingon hairdressing institute it is a good day to dye. | true |
Dying man's wish to return to the forest comes true | false |
Next osx version announced!!! it will be called el chapo | true |
A complete stranger paid this man's $2,000 car bill, no questions asked | false |
'snl' mocks just how desperate hillary clinton is to be a new yorker | false |
Mike huckabee on kim davis: obey the law only 'if it's right' | false |
Cheeky campaign encourages women to dump dudes who support trump | false |
Friday talking points -- games the whole family can play | false |
Seth rogen takes down donald trump in donald trump jr.'s dms | false |
Which sports team honors the true spirit of thanksgiving? the redskins | true |
What is the best contraceptive for old people? nudity | true |
In my office, i tried pushing the envelope... but it's still stationery. | true |
How can you tell if someone does crossfit? don't worry, they'll tell you. | true |
Mek’s fake intelligence on aleppo only hinders fact-finding bodies finding the truth | false |
Finding the face of depression in a mirror | false |
A latino actor might be playing the lead in the 'scarface' reboot | false |
Why did the brake pedal see a therapist? because it was depressed. | true |
Girlfriend is on her way over. aaaaaaannd history deleted. | true |
The fish's piano was making weird noises. guess it was out of tuna. | true |
My neighbors are drunk & climbing up the balcony. or possibly being robbed. whatever. | true |
There are three kinds of women: the intelligent, the beautiful, and the majority. | true |
How'm i going to 80's montage myself out of this one? | true |
Fat chicks don't get wet..... they get greasy | true |
Civil rights bill top priority for lgbt voters, according to new poll | false |
Always hit women with a left hook... ...because they don't deserve any rights | true |
The battle for the future of transportation seems imminent | false |
Well at least i don't bring up things from the past like you did last month | true |
Good friends help you move. great friends help you move bodies. | true |
Boss: what's your five-year goal? me: paid administrative leave. | true |
This blizzard in nyc was just like my boyfriends penis lees than expected | true |
I'm finally done smoking my name was legally changed yesterday. | true |
Republicans’ health care revision is an ugly, cheap cover up | false |
How do they practice safe sex in scotland? they brand the sheep that kick. | true |
I finally found out why op never delivers! | true |
Signs of the times, from the people's climate march in nyc | false |
It might be a 'great time to be gay,' but grindr survey reveals discrimination fears | false |
Suspected chelsea bomber allegedly attacked family in 2014 | false |
The best friend ever? meet a 9-year-old bracelet philanthropist | false |
What do you call a turtle with a hard on? a tank!!!! pew pew pew!! | true |
Take the $100 tip challenge to make someone's christmas and your own | false |
Rick perry in a harrowing position as first debate nears | false |
Death to shoppers? al-shabaab and the fracturing of international jihadism | false |
Hey does it smell like i took a shit? ah, sulfur so good. | true |
Searches of travelers' electronics should require a warrant, aclu contends | false |
How digital platforms like linkedin, uber and taskrabbit are changing the on-demand economy | false |
What did gb say to eu? peace out, euron eurown! | true |
Where's jesus when you need him. there's only 2 fish sticks left and i've got company coming. | true |
I'm an over medium comedian i don't always make yolks, but when i do, they are runny | true |
Summing up my life in 5 words: 'i fail at maths' | true |
What do you get when you drop your frozen waffle at the beach? a san diego | true |
What do you call a mexican prostitute that doesn't charge? frijole. | true |
Finding kindness: how to put compassion into action | false |
What kind of footwear do whitewalkers use? the hodor-eliminating kind. | true |
Turns out an obama family vacation looks much like ours | false |
What did the banana say to the orange? fruit can't talk | true |
Jimmy kimmel's rude interviewer proves technology is terrible | false |
Obama's possible paths to a supreme court nomination | false |
You can only enjoy lord of the rings if you're taking heroin... it's called high fantasy. | true |
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