ejjaffe/onion_headlines_2_sources · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 1 926
man putting off starting family to focus on treading water in career for few years
supreme court allows corporations to run for political office
news: huge relief: russian officials can’t figure out which of the 50 things president trump screamed at them about isis and airplanes was classified information
club has big hit with closed-mic night
t.g.i. friday's executive chef recommends booze-on-meat-with-cheese thing
sugar ray thrilled to be playing in man's head
mugger can't believe crap victim has on mp3 player
grown man purchases 37th sailor moon figurine
dead teenager remembered for great hand jobs \| the onion
denny's market researcher emerges from focus group shaken after finding out what americans really want for breakfast
man keeps memory of dead teen alive by making her center of elaborate political conspiracy theory
black man out of work
area man relieved friend's short story sucks
quick, painless death tops holiday wish list of local veal calf
fireworks accident blows off tip of florida
japan pledges to halt production of weirdo porn that makes people puke
second-grade class has no questions for visiting local historian
woman jealous of horse's eyelashes
so-called christian has erection
arizona high schools to now teach spanish entirely in english
increasingly obsessed robert mueller forces wife to dye hair blond, dress like ivanka
genie grants scalia strict constructionist interpretation of wish
frantic john kerry looks on as teresa slowly lowered into kim jong-un's electric eel tank
study: human anxiety highest when sitting in wrong seat at concert
8 touching pics of celebrities and their dads
u.s. refuses to allow u.n. weapons inspectors back into iraq
life: gumby fans rejoice! someone dressed as gumby is passed out on the side of the freeway in full view of passing traffic!
huckabee decries obamacare’s failure to help slow, cross-eyed cousin who got kicked by mule
two years ago, this man was 500 pounds. now he is two men who weigh 250 pounds.
birthday cards from grandma becoming more religious
bacon just one of sprint's new downloadable ring scents
american voices: trump campaign bans ‘washington post’ coverage
hundreds of miniature sean hannitys burst from roger ailes corpse
pope beatifies god in important step toward sainthood
no way to prevent this says only nation where this happens
experts advise against throwing laptop across office even though it will feel incredible
cnn opens up 24-hour anonymous tip line for anyone with synonyms for 'mueller closing in'
car passengers launch urgent, mid-street investigation into whether woman in parking spot coming or going
area man wins conversation
woman has drawn-on eyebrows, nose, eyes, mouth
elderly man looks even sadder when smiling
time magazine just six months from big cocktail-nation-craze story
grandmother classifies 79% of everything a shame
local student also a poet
'national geographic' increases ideological diversity by hiring first anti-tree-frog writer
wedding guest etiquette tips
offended customer's huffy walkout goes unnoticed
trump boys announce they will not hesitate to egg russia if provoked
doctor informs woman he's overweight
senate intelligence committee confirms from testimony that donald trump jr. has no knowledge
teen parents skip prom
gluten-free pancake mix just a bag of sand
report: modern-day pablo escobar smuggles one-hitter into music festival
isis member unsure whom to submit pto request to
russian olympic coach gently breaks news to hulking 200-pound gymnast that she won't be competing in south korea
aides clip toenails, wash hair of mumbling, bedsore-ridden trump as president enters 155th straight hour of watching cable news
life: this paramedic fell in love with a woman he rescued and now he has that leverage on her whenever they fight
outbreak of va-va-vooms traced to miniskirt-wearing blonde
more americans putting off marriage until ultimatum \| the onion
world’s first vegan slaughterhouse! [baby-stepped approved]
man in center of political spectrum under impression he less obnoxious
dick cheney finally hunts down, kills man he shot in face in 2006
nation’s indigenous people confirm they don’t need special holiday, just large swaths of land returned immediately
how to solve a rubik's cube
steve king vehemently denies comparing immigrants to people
drunk driver honored
do you know why i’m pulling you over, being wildly aggressive, and charging you with assault today, sir?
hollywood removes statue of louis b. mayer beckoning judy garland to sit on his lap
congress can't remember last time it got together and legislated like this
lol the funniest onion article yet
facebook ‘ask’ feature lets friends inquire about relationships
nicaraguan diplomat drops deadly spider onto john kerry's blanket
william barr declares mueller investigation fully exonerates members of reagan administration from iran-contra involvement
clinton assures tim kaine she'll continue serving as president in event of her death
local homemaker fights to overcome rubbermaid addiction
postmaster general: 'letter carrier surge is working'
college senior holding out hope that internship will lead to class-action lawsuit
hillary clinton resumes attacking obama
area man up for anything except being the one who makes the decision
obama sinks family savings into developing presidential tabletop game
fan doubtful ‘solo: a star wars story’ can live up to denny’s blaster fire burger
jack palance still dead at 87
parents officially designate upstairs television for anyone who doesn’t want to watch thanksgiving football
governor lashes out against cheap scotch, poorly rolled cigars
'your father died peacefully in his sleep,' assures hospice nurse who spent past 6 months watching man wither away in agony
unlikely animal friendship! this 55-year-old man is dating a 23-year-old woman
leftover bugles still stuck to trump's fingers during bill signing
area ceo likes to think of family as small, close-knit business
paris vows to rebuild notre dame despite cosmic absurdity of seeking inherent meaning in fleeting creations of man
red lobster welcomes back 'defrosted shrimp days'
fact repeated as urban legend
should we allow human cloning?
newspapers piling up on dead homeowner's doorstep
fast-food purchase seething with unspoken class conflict
geologists say continents may have drifted apart after emotional falling-out
area man just realized he doesn't even know when barack obama's birthday is
mom apologizing for going through menopause
tv showdown expected as 'sleepy hollow' debuts tonight against hbo's 'ichabod,' tnt's 'headless horseman,' showtime's 'cloaked rider'
new study finds humans may have some capacity for compassion
embarrassed california firefighters realize they've been spraying flames this whole time

man putting off starting family to focus on treading water in career for few years

supreme court allows corporations to run for political office

news: huge relief: russian officials can’t figure out which of the 50 things president trump screamed at them about isis and airplanes was classified information

club has big hit with closed-mic night

t.g.i. friday's executive chef recommends booze-on-meat-with-cheese thing

sugar ray thrilled to be playing in man's head

mugger can't believe crap victim has on mp3 player

grown man purchases 37th sailor moon figurine

dead teenager remembered for great hand jobs | the onion

denny's market researcher emerges from focus group shaken after finding out what americans really want for breakfast

man keeps memory of dead teen alive by making her center of elaborate political conspiracy theory

black man out of work

area man relieved friend's short story sucks

quick, painless death tops holiday wish list of local veal calf

fireworks accident blows off tip of florida

japan pledges to halt production of weirdo porn that makes people puke

second-grade class has no questions for visiting local historian

woman jealous of horse's eyelashes

so-called christian has erection

arizona high schools to now teach spanish entirely in english

increasingly obsessed robert mueller forces wife to dye hair blond, dress like ivanka

genie grants scalia strict constructionist interpretation of wish

frantic john kerry looks on as teresa slowly lowered into kim jong-un's electric eel tank

study: human anxiety highest when sitting in wrong seat at concert

8 touching pics of celebrities and their dads

u.s. refuses to allow u.n. weapons inspectors back into iraq

life: gumby fans rejoice! someone dressed as gumby is passed out on the side of the freeway in full view of passing traffic!

huckabee decries obamacare’s failure to help slow, cross-eyed cousin who got kicked by mule

two years ago, this man was 500 pounds. now he is two men who weigh 250 pounds.

birthday cards from grandma becoming more religious

bacon just one of sprint's new downloadable ring scents

american voices: trump campaign bans ‘washington post’ coverage

hundreds of miniature sean hannitys burst from roger ailes corpse

pope beatifies god in important step toward sainthood

no way to prevent this says only nation where this happens

experts advise against throwing laptop across office even though it will feel incredible

cnn opens up 24-hour anonymous tip line for anyone with synonyms for 'mueller closing in'

car passengers launch urgent, mid-street investigation into whether woman in parking spot coming or going

area man wins conversation

woman has drawn-on eyebrows, nose, eyes, mouth

elderly man looks even sadder when smiling

time magazine just six months from big cocktail-nation-craze story

grandmother classifies 79% of everything a shame

local student also a poet

'national geographic' increases ideological diversity by hiring first anti-tree-frog writer

wedding guest etiquette tips

offended customer's huffy walkout goes unnoticed

trump boys announce they will not hesitate to egg russia if provoked

doctor informs woman he's overweight

senate intelligence committee confirms from testimony that donald trump jr. has no knowledge

teen parents skip prom

gluten-free pancake mix just a bag of sand

report: modern-day pablo escobar smuggles one-hitter into music festival

isis member unsure whom to submit pto request to

russian olympic coach gently breaks news to hulking 200-pound gymnast that she won't be competing in south korea

aides clip toenails, wash hair of mumbling, bedsore-ridden trump as president enters 155th straight hour of watching cable news

life: this paramedic fell in love with a woman he rescued and now he has that leverage on her whenever they fight

outbreak of va-va-vooms traced to miniskirt-wearing blonde

more americans putting off marriage until ultimatum | the onion

world’s first vegan slaughterhouse! [baby-stepped approved]

man in center of political spectrum under impression he less obnoxious

dick cheney finally hunts down, kills man he shot in face in 2006

nation’s indigenous people confirm they don’t need special holiday, just large swaths of land returned immediately

how to solve a rubik's cube

steve king vehemently denies comparing immigrants to people

drunk driver honored

do you know why i’m pulling you over, being wildly aggressive, and charging you with assault today, sir?

hollywood removes statue of louis b. mayer beckoning judy garland to sit on his lap

congress can't remember last time it got together and legislated like this

lol the funniest onion article yet

facebook ‘ask’ feature lets friends inquire about relationships

nicaraguan diplomat drops deadly spider onto john kerry's blanket

william barr declares mueller investigation fully exonerates members of reagan administration from iran-contra involvement

clinton assures tim kaine she'll continue serving as president in event of her death

local homemaker fights to overcome rubbermaid addiction

postmaster general: 'letter carrier surge is working'

college senior holding out hope that internship will lead to class-action lawsuit

hillary clinton resumes attacking obama

area man up for anything except being the one who makes the decision

obama sinks family savings into developing presidential tabletop game

fan doubtful ‘solo: a star wars story’ can live up to denny’s blaster fire burger

jack palance still dead at 87

parents officially designate upstairs television for anyone who doesn’t want to watch thanksgiving football

governor lashes out against cheap scotch, poorly rolled cigars

'your father died peacefully in his sleep,' assures hospice nurse who spent past 6 months watching man wither away in agony

unlikely animal friendship! this 55-year-old man is dating a 23-year-old woman

leftover bugles still stuck to trump's fingers during bill signing

area ceo likes to think of family as small, close-knit business

paris vows to rebuild notre dame despite cosmic absurdity of seeking inherent meaning in fleeting creations of man

red lobster welcomes back 'defrosted shrimp days'

fact repeated as urban legend

should we allow human cloning?

newspapers piling up on dead homeowner's doorstep

fast-food purchase seething with unspoken class conflict

geologists say continents may have drifted apart after emotional falling-out

area man just realized he doesn't even know when barack obama's birthday is

mom apologizing for going through menopause

tv showdown expected as 'sleepy hollow' debuts tonight against hbo's 'ichabod,' tnt's 'headless horseman,' showtime's 'cloaked rider'

new study finds humans may have some capacity for compassion

embarrassed california firefighters realize they've been spraying flames this whole time