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>be american >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is>get beheaded by isis >be asian\n>suicide because of stress and no gf >be african\n>be african >be australian\n>get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu<|endoftext|> |
>be me >Serbian >family is pretty racist >hit it off with a Croat girl and start dating her\n>eventually decide to break it to my dad >He\u2019s sitting down reading and I say there\u2019s something I want to tell him>I explain to him that I\u2019ve met someone who I love and want to spend the rest of my life with>\u201dYou better not be telling me you're gay anon.\u201d\n>say that I am not gay, and that I\u2019ve been dating a Croat girl for a few months now>he gives me a harsh look, throws his book at me, & starts yelling and cursing at the top of his lungs>mfw I probably should've just told him I was gay\n<|endoftext|> |
>eating popsicle with my friend>it looks phallic\n>we lol a bit\n>lick it seductively while >he is laughing his ass off\n>put it in my mouth and push it as deep as ican>gag and then pull it out\n>i look like one of those hentai girls, spit trailing and everything>he stops laughing and then looks shocked>look down\n>rock hard <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>talented guitarist and pianist / >won numerous talent shows>also a big fan of the youtube channel Vsauce>one day get into an accident >I have to type with my nose\n>can no longer play instruments\n>my life passions are gone\n>feeling really depressed\n>see a new Vsauce video in my subscriptions box\n>\"Is Anything Real?\" uploaded June 3rd 2013\n>so excited to watch a new Vsauce video\n>video starts\n>\"Hey, Vsauce! Michael here! Where are your fingers?\">immediately start crying <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 19\n>in college\n>arrive at college before class started, needed to shit before first class>get to the bathroom and open the door\n>profis in there shitting, door wide open\n>stare at each other for a few secs\n>he holds his hand out to close the door\n>i shake his hand <|endoftext|> |
>try to get a Chad haircut\n>comes out looking like pic related <|endoftext|> |
>be me >8 y/o >on bus home >really damn hungry m >see much older kid (15) behind>hunger.mpg is using too much >\"hey, can I please have a small bite?\" >he turns to face me >doesnt utter a word, just smiles and hands me the whole hotdog>i grab it and sit back in my seat >happiest little fuck in the bus >22 now and I still regret not thanking that blessed soul<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>born around 2lbs\n>survive that\n>pull out my oxygen tube and turn purple>almost spawn killed myself\n>gets autism instead <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>born virgin It was rigged from the start<|endoftext|> |
>married five years\n>four years ago we bought a house Py together>wife and I are in our early 30s, neighbor is 26\n>a year later neighbor gets pregnant\n>whoopsie\n>she doesn't want an abortion, says she will keep quiet and raise the child>she has a good job and her family has money so I trust her on this>she has the kid, a boy, kind of looks like me (gee I wonder why)>wife tells me neighbor has a baby\n>wife goes and meets neighbor and baby\n>wife becomes friends with neighbor and spends time with baby>we babysit when neighbor has to work late or spend time with friends>wife starts getting baby envy, wants one of her own now>\"our baby can grow up with Anonette's baby and they can play together!\">two years ago wife gets preggo\n>it's a girl >wife and I spend an increasing amount of time with neighbor lady and my son>wife encourages me to spend time with the boy because \"he needs a father figure\u201d>we babysit for neighbor, she babysits for us\n>neighbor tells me that if wife ever leaves me she will be there for me (still fucking her)<|endoftext|> |
(>) r/greentext<|endoftext|> |
>skinny white guy comes to wendy's >orders a bunch of large chocolate milkshakes and one small white one>he has his head down the whole time he orders\n>stays like this the whole time his order is prepared\n>hand him the shakes >\"have a nice day!\" >y-you too >see him shuffle over to a corner booth >he encircles the vanilla milkshakes with the chocolate ones>takes a picture >couple of minutes later he starts laughing to himself\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>playing vidya\n>press Quick Play\n>wait 8+ minutes to even join a lobby>only one person in lobby other than me>person leaves as soon as I join\n>disconnect from lobby\n>tfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>think about moving arm >just moved matter using nothing but my mind<|endoftext|> |
>Mr. Ford here's your costume\n>FUCK YOUR COSTUME I'M DOING THIS LIKE I AM >boomer takes his son to the anime convention\n<|endoftext|> |
>be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died>rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox>wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married.>my stepdaughter is now my stepmother\n>my father is my son in law. >wtf.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad\n>my baby is now my uncle >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild>my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling>I am married to my grandma >I am my own grandpa.\n<|endoftext|> |
>start talking to girl for first time in years>tell my friend\n>he stalks her or something and gets a job where she works>plays it off as a coincidence >he gets angry at me for still talking to her\n>turns out he thought she'd just as easily go for him because we're both pretty low value men>he starts giving me the whole \"supreme gentleman\" shit and saying girls never want nice guys like him<|endoftext|> |
>Georgia? Thats a state nota country its capital is Atlanta bro>Turkey? Thats a bird not a country its origin is America bro>Hungary? No, I just ate <|endoftext|> |
>Playing Wow >Someone puts up item worth 14k (During Cata) for auto price>Get it >Receive a message from them immediately stating that they'd clearly made a mistake and>Message them if they mail my 100 gold for my trouble because the situation is extremely>100 gold in my mail 10 seconds later, block them\n<|endoftext|> |
>get home and there's gifts on the table >birthday yesterday\n>have to work 12-9pm >be meat clerk and it's a big sale day so it's gonna be busy >mom sys she didnt get anything for birthday because too old for kid stuff like that turning 19>go to work >get yelled at buy customers because new manager didn't order the thing that is on sale\n>be in bad mood until lunch >buy $5 scratcher >win $150.jpg >now in good mood >come back from lunch and co worker bought a tiny cupcake to share from bakery\n>now in better mood >finish cleaning and setting up for tomorrow early so head home >deathgrips shirt and a collecters hp lovecraft book\n>have one of the best birthdays in a long time\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 17 >just got license >home alone, want McD's >Drive in my Mom's minivan >4chan has been daily browsing for me at this point>drive through >\"Yeah, uhm, can I get a 10 pc of some chicken tendies?\">whatthefuckdidljustsay.exe has been executed>this motherfucker says \"sure anon\u201d\n>oneofus.jpg >drive to window, embarrassed af\n>guy is 20 something, says \"you seem chill\" and passes me note with his>dm him >now best friends.\n<|endoftext|> |
> It\u2019s finally time > Tie noose around neck > Kick stool > Fuck up and don\u2019t snap neck\n> Painful but I finally go under\n> Wake up > In wooden wagon with some other guys in it> Hands tied > \u201cYou're finally awake <|endoftext|> |
>fixing notebook for a ~70 years old lady>comes, pays, asks about gaming tier GPUs for her desktop>little took back I inquire about the price range and what games,>nope, I play the Assasin >Assassin's creed? >yes, on my grandsons console, I just love Venice>she pauses >and killing people <|endoftext|> |
>dates a girl for 3 months >she's really cool, we have similar >finally going to have sex with her >unzip my pants >w-what? >\"It's like a third arm. I don't have room for that.\"\n>she leaves my apartment >we text later, says she had an ex that tore her vag with her dick>apparently, he was \"big\" but still not as \"big\" as me (I'm a little over 7 and a half inches, about 6>now she's afraid of large dicks >she apologizes and says we aren't compatible\n>we agree to break up >feelsbadman >over the next two days, get texts from three of her friends and her cousin (all female) to hookup>feelsbetterman\n<|endoftext|> |
> Guys who post 4chan > Guys who post on reddit > Guys who post on instagram\n> Guys who post on linkedin > Guys who post on twitter\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>get sick\n>decide to eat\n>mfw I got even more sick from eating>mfw i got even more sick from not eating<|endoftext|> |
>Be at Swedish ship cruise >haven't defecated in a week week >shit at least three giant python in the toilet\n>try to flush >not working.jpg >panic > try to flush again but shit doesn't flush\n>look for a cleaner lady in the hallway\n>Swedish is really bad so grab the hand of cleaner, and take her to the bathroom\n>try to flush and say \"titta\"(watch in english) while push flush button >shit goes quite normally away to sewer <|endoftext|> |
>why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know<|endoftext|> |
>never ask anyone out\n>never get rejected\n>basically irresistible haha who's the chad now<|endoftext|> |
>ex-classmate creates a messenger group>adds me and other classmates in it>another classmate asks what this >have the sudden inexplicable urge >\"One word, PARTY!\" >decide not to in the last moment\n>classmate that texts >its for another classmate's mother's funeral\n>tfw I almost called a burial a party\n<|endoftext|> |
>Steve Harvey: \"We asked 100 people,>Contestant: \"The >SH: \"A WUH... HUH??\" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself>laughter gets even louder >SH: \"O lordy...\u201d >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from>SH: \"YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP\" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls>the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself>SH: (putting on a weary voice) \"Survey says...\">the board shows 100 for \"penis\" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes<|endoftext|> |
>be me >on vacation in France with family >we can hear the staff belittling us for being tourists >grandpa leans into my ear and tells me to play >slowly starts speaking in a more southern accent >by the time the check comes he is completely >end of the meal comes >he tucks the table cloth into his pants and gets up >naturally all the plates and glasses break >everyone turns and looks >grandpa runs out of the fucking restaurant >fly back to America before we get in legal trouble <|endoftext|> |
>weird fucking dream i had:\n>chilling in my room\n>look through my window on second floor>see three elderly women passing by on the road>one of them looks at my window\n>oh shit they saw me\n>she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window.>window turns black\n>bitch just turned off my window\n>wake up angry\n>what?? <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>23 year old male\n>poo fetish\n>usally order the goods from websites specialised for this>moved to detroit recently >couldnt take the poo with me\n>ordered new poo online\n>package didnt arrive\n>ask ups they say it has been delivered\n>wtf?\n>check security cammera\n>some porch pirate stole the fucking package\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
> How dol get an Italian MILF gf? <|endoftext|> |
>gf praises me for being smart I ff 4. >I flunked out of art school while she = >gf tells me! am so tall>lam 5'7\", she is 5'6\"\n>gf tells me I am a natural leader\n>I am shy and quiet\n>gf wishes she was athletic like me\n>I am a shut nerd What is she doing? I don't understand what she>my gf is being nice to me\n>what is her endgame?\n<|endoftext|> |
>am fully vaccinated >still wear a mask in public because it triggers antimaskers into>I'm free to wear a mask and that freedom makes them seeth.<|endoftext|> |
>go to iFunny >post a green text >get called a Reddit user\n>get called a normie <|endoftext|> |
>read provided course math textbook>be hopelessly confused, not even begin to understand>go to 2 hr class, lose track in 5 >go home and copy paste >understand how to do it in 5 minutes <|endoftext|> |
>get covid\n>getting worse over 2 week period\n>come to terms with my death\n>decide to crack open my gamer girl pee and take a sip, because>sense of smell and taste come >gulp down the whole bottle\n>feel super tired, fall asleep\n>wake up, 100% cured <|endoftext|> |
>tfw red dead redemption 2 made me realize that there's no hiding from civilization since it's>tfw can't even really homestead today bc of stupid laws>can't even properly explore anything anymore because there isn't anything still left to explore<|endoftext|> |
> Me about a week ago > Feeling depressed, tell a story > Next morning, see my fucking greentext at the > Has like 5k karma, and all the comments are > You faggots are probably reading this on <|endoftext|> |
>i go almost daily to buy kebab from the same place (close both to my>There is this underpaid and = overworked arab guy that makes the>He always packs my kebab with more meat than usual>He also knows how i like it, big and spicy with all the sauces and a diet pepsi>He gets verry happy when he sees me and he calls me ,Doss,, and ,,brother,,>Today i was sad af but the ,,hello boss, the usual?\" Made me feel better>Kebab heals people <|endoftext|> |
>be me >sad depressed >suicidal thoughts >dad notices >thinks it\u2019s because of my siblings >takes me to the planetarium every other >falls asleep every time because he\u2019s working 12h a day >he always takes me >still alive >thanks dad\n<|endoftext|> |
>19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans >sucks dick for money >wanna get my first blowjob >we smoke weed and talk for a bit\n>I start to pull out the money and she stops me\n>\"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your dick feels wrong.\"<|endoftext|> |
>be me >dispatch manager for a small company>bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept>start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general shit from>kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to>boss takes one look at me and says \"looks like you've got a case of updog\">one of the kids replies \"what's up dog?\">MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>24yo femanon\n>snort heroin >wake up in hospital\n>meet male nurse\n>he's super cute\n>possiblebf.jpeg\n>suck him off in the bathroom >ask him on a date >\"no offence anon but I'm not going to date a junkie who sucks off men in bathrooms\">mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be me >insecure about penis\n>compared to porn its like 1/10th of the hammers they sling>fast forward >watch Jackass Movie\n>see Steve-O's Penis\n>literally like mine\n>suddenly feel secure about my penis\n>all because I saw Steve-O's penis Yeah dude<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Uni student depressed\n>Walking to nearby liquor store to numb the pain\n>Tourist trap store on the way >Sells tacky souvenirs and whatnot >Go in on a whim >Postcard is like fucking 25 cents >Buy one >Wake up next morning with hangover >See postcard >Look up online how to fill it out because who the fuck knows how to fill out a postcard in current>Fill it out >Send to mom and dad >Just like two banal sentences about how I'm doing ok (a lie) and how I hope they are taking>Like 5 days later >Mom calls me to say how much getting that postcard meant to them>Says it made their entire week >Don't drink myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time<|endoftext|> |
>be me >be11 > in car with family heading home from county fair> dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad> for whatever fucking reason I hear \"get rid of this\"> roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the<|endoftext|> |
>be 20 >heard you can fuck watermelons\n>buys personal watermeion >cuts a round hole >starts fucking watermelon >took like 40mins >not much better than fapping >felt shame >buried melon in a shallow grave\n>come summer time melons grew in the backyard\n>family eats them >\"you don't want any melon anon?\u201d\n>no <|endoftext|> |
>be me >surgeon >35 hour operation >do it perfectly with no mistakes everyone thanks god<|endoftext|> |
>At work >Known at work as the guy who collects lighters>Coworker gives me a lighter he found>\"Aw nice, thanks bro.\" >Opinion of that person went up in >Think about it later that day >Realize I'm a \u2018collect x amount of y\" npc\n>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>psychiatrist asks what I enjoy >tell him I like doing \"image edits\" >I tell him I do and that they're used by other >he gets really interested and asks to see >show him over 100 original pepe edits >he says he's seen the character before >next session >him and 2 other psychiatrists are in the room, says >they ask more about my memes >show them my greentexts which were reposted by >show them my original memes that have \"know >they're recording me and taking notes the whole >get uncomfortable and don't book a follow-up >doctor has offered to cover all further sessions <|endoftext|> |
>be me >in school in 2nd grade, brother in 4th and sister in Kindergarten>getting out of school and looking for mom, see dad standing at the curb instead>fucking tits, dad is always at work, this is a Wednesday\n>asks my brother where he wants to go, Shawn says ICE CREAM MOTHER FUCKER>we get ice cream\n>asks me where I want to go\n>I saw the park\n>go to the park for a couple hours\n>asks my sister where she wants to go. We coached her at the park and she says \"PIZZA\" at our local place>get pizza, all of us freaking out, it's past 8 by this time\n>after dinner takes us to get ice cream AGAIN\n>we get home, he puts us right to bed, tucks us in and when we asked where mommy is he said \"She's not here kiddo, go>wake up next day at 10, we all freaking panic, missed school\n>dad sits us down, tells us the bad news. Mom won't be coming home. Mom is dead. In my teens find out suicide.>world is ruined <|endoftext|> |
>Walking around town late at night >Reach a guy sitting on the sidewalk, he asks me for money>\"Sorry man, I don't have any money.\u201d >\"I have a knife.\u201d >\"Nah, that's okay man, I don't need a knife\u201d >Walk away, don't realize I was getting robbed until later that night\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race>see earth\n>fire up the death ray\n>get hit by a fucking tesla roadster traveling at fucking mach speed playing david>completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew>mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>older sister calls me\n>older sister constantly cries about being fucked and dumped by chads on dating>younger sister calls me\n>younger sister constantly vents to me >mom calls me >mom constantly cries to me about my dad\n>when I tell them \u201cyou are being annoying\u2019 they start crying harder and blaming me for being a horrible person>suddenly I am the bad guy >dad calls me\n>dad is the only one that asks me how I am doing\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Be with girlfriend\n>Girlfriend cheats on me\n>I break up\n>She goes with the guy who\n>A few weeks passes\n>I stalk the guy a little\n>Realize he's a drug dealer\n>Realize he's not very smart\n>Make a folder with all the proofs\n>Send the folder to the police by mail\n>Local narcotic team thank me\n>They do their job\n>Ex gf and drug dealer are both in jail right now <|endoftext|> |
>Girlfriend of 4 years leaves me last week>She moved out while I was at work>Her desk is completely empty\n>I sit down and browse the internet for a bit\n>Looking at random funny videos\n>Hours pass\n>Find one funny video I can't stop laughing at\n>\"Hey you have to see th-\"\n>Turn to see an empty desk beside mine <|endoftext|> |
>download video game for free\n>default search engine changes\n<|endoftext|> |
>Get chased by group of men in suits>I run\n>Really hard to outrun them but I >I get tired and they keep inching >Oh_fuck.wmv >Get idea >I shave my head >Instant speed boost because of aerodynamics\n>Distance gets greater >They start screaming >\"You can't keep running away, some day we tax collectors catch you!\"<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>have a giant crush on this girl <> I've known for 4 years but she's>host a party but he was busy and\n>she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over>found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him>refused\n>she gave me a sad look and feel asleep <|endoftext|> |
>Be me in army\n>mandatory in my shitty country\n>first time we noob soldiers fire our guns>drill instructor yells \"are you ready?\"\n>i yell back \"ai ai captain\"\n>random guy two rows away yells \"i cant hear you\"\n>drill instructor mad and tries to find out who mocked him>i yell again \"OOOOO0000\"\n>random guy shots a rock 10 meters in front of him from laughter ( the target was 300 meter away)>dust rises up and one general runs and screams at drill instructor>we march back to camp 10 kilometers instead of driving>i am attending the \"i cant hear you\" guy wedding next week<|endoftext|> |
>be american\n>get sick\n>go backrupt <|endoftext|> |
>teacher caught him searching gun ammunition in school and contacted>mom later sent him a text with \u201clol\u201d and told him not to get caught next time>few days later teacher catches him drawing pictures of a gun and bullet with \u201cmy life is shit\u201d and \u201ckill>contacted his parents again\n>they downplayed it and wanted him to go back to class>later on that day his dad sent him a text \u201cplease don't do it\u201d after discovering his gun was missing<|endoftext|> |
>be me >18 years old no gf or real social life or job>heavily depressed >realise I don't have any money for >ask my dad if I can work with him to earn a bit of money>dad works as a carpenter >tells me I can work with him for the week and he would pay me on Friday>start working on Monday through to Friday\n>probably the hardest I've ever worked >end of the week rolls by and I'm in the van with my dad>he gives me the money and starts talking >\"I'm proud of you anon, you showing initiative and asking to work with me made me happier than I can<|endoftext|> |
>wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n> mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor> 7th century idk\n> walk past the farms on my way to the castle> male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back\n> *notices buldge* 6>0 what's this?\n> \"please cure my husband, he's become ill\"\n>no clue wtf he has\n> sure.carvedstone\n> poke with doctors stick\n> buldge bursts\n> whitish cream bursts everywhere\n> looks like spider blood\n> smells like spider blood\n> tastes like spider blood\n> declare farmer possessed by spider\n> burned alive at the stake\n> king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading> feelsgoodman\n<|endoftext|> |
>start mission >drive from point A to point B >kill X amount of NPC's on point B\n>drive from point B to point C fe] >mission complete>most profitable video game in history <|endoftext|> |
>Be playing vidya\n>Enter co op game\n>Black guy has joined\n>He's new to the game\n>Doesn't realise his mic is on and is recording the whole room.>He doesn't know how to heal. >I heal him for him\n>\"Thank you!\"\n>\"That's so nice\"\n>Later in the game I get downed\n>\"I'm coming my nigga\"\n>Comes to my rescue\n>\"I got you bro\"\n>Finish the mission\n>\"Yo G you're ma real nigga. Respect\" Mfw feels good man<|endoftext|> |
>6'8 German guy works out at my LA >Looks like techno viking >Hit max effort leg day this morning >Comes up to me and says \"JA LOOKING BIG TODAY MY FRIEND\" and gives me a thumbs up<|endoftext|> |
>legal >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons <|endoftext|> |
>be me 16\n>have a gf of two years\n>always have been self conscious of her cheating>she doesn't suspect a thing\n>eventually convince to trade nudes\n>she loves it and sends pics of her ass/tits\n>she tells me about how she would go behind her boyfriends back and fuck me>still going on\n>i don't know if i should tell her or keep going>tfw my gf is cheating on me with me\n<|endoftext|> |
>be United States >have mass shootings back to back>not the only country whose citizens have guns>am the only country without > also the cost of living is through >rapid inflation >stagnant wages >out of touch boomers kept in congress >watch people blame the guns again >roll out some bullshit policies that will never pass congress to make people happy>everyone argues over 2nd amendment and blames the conservatives>they'll riot across the country for one man dying but not for basic living standards>won't riot over dead children either >nobody argues about healthcare, cost of living, or congress term limits>another successful day completely avoiding the real issues<|endoftext|> |
>be me >sit in class >remember one time in kindergarten when a girl took a>find that memory really fucking >burst out laughing >teacher gets pissed >asks what so funny >silence. Jpg >say that I thought about a mole >teacher looks at me like I'm retarded >mfw when I actually begin thinking about moles now>remember moles are blind and probably bump into each other all the time>begin laughing again >get detention\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be about 6 yrs ago >Meet a gril on FB >Few months into it >Baby momma tells her its all on me>I say alright take the child and move back in with family\n>Raise the child for 4 years on my own with no help from her mother>My family helps out here and there >Finally save up enough to get a place for us and pay rent a year in advance>We move into a one bedroom >She gets the bedroom I sleep on the pullout >She is 5 now her bday\n>Ive worked and christm>pic related its last xm:\n<|endoftext|> |
>overweight beta loser >decide to fuck it all and get my life in control>get new clothes >go to the gym >sweat dripping off me >can't feel my legs >a couple of chads walk by >hear one of them say to the other\n>\"What a fat loser\" >He's technically right >I am losing a lot of fat <|endoftext|> |
>have ex-bf >was really the nicest guy I've ever met, and took me this long to>look him up for the first time in eight years >he's now with a girl, and traveling to all the places he and I talked about traveling>she's 12 years younger than him >break up with a guy >he moves on and finds someone else\n>\"why do men do this?\" <|endoftext|> |
>download rom >cmd opens up >several lines of code are inputted at FTL speeds\n>several error messages appear >screen flickers >pc locks up and ransomware screen appears\n>screen flickers and everything goes back to normal\n>custom error message appears >\"just kidding :)\" >game launches and runs normally\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Few weeks ago >Go to Apple store to get battery replaced >Spend an hour and thirty minutes walking around, come back>They tell me the phone is missing some parts, so the battery is unreplaceable>Next day >Go to shitty PcFix, feces everywhere, legit the most dingiest fucking place alive>ask to get battery replaced > He goes in the back for fifteen to thirty minutes\n>Comes back, battery health is replaced and 100% capacity.>Ask if any parts were missing, they weren't. >Pay the 60$ and walk out <|endoftext|> |
>be me >Watching Netflix health documentary\n>\"haha fat people\" >They're filming fatties in the street\n>\"hey, I have that shirt\" >\"hey, I have those cargo shorts\"\n>\"hey, I know that building\" >mfw 1 Reply I View Thread<|endoftext|> |
> study a foreign language in secret> study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the> hide all of your resources for the target language> talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life> become a master of this language\n> one day, go to public place like grocery store\n> pretend to slip / fall / feint\n> when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english<|endoftext|> |
>be me >Police court >Need to go to a hearing, look at a fine of \u20ac500\n>Get lawyer >Brings fine down to \u20ac200 >Billed \u20ac600 by lawyer <|endoftext|> |
>be me, 7yo\n>math class\n>\"alright class, can you solve 25-20 on>raise hand >\"it's -5 I\" >teacher looks at me awkwardly\n>\"w-well yes but you are not supposed to know that\"\n>wat\n>\"see class, you can't substract a number if the first number in the operation is greater than the second>WAT\n>\"but teach whenever I watch the weather report, when it's cold we see negative numbers !\" (i'm in>\"yes but you're supposed to learn that later\"\n>\"but I know it now\"\n>\"it's just for this lesson, don't worry, just write it down\">\"why would I write something false ?\"\n>start throwing a tantrum because even tho i'm right, i'm also fucking seven>get a note in my notebook for bad behavior\n>parents confiscate my pokemon cards\n>can't make a stance for myself because I can't argue without crying>alright class, can you solve 25-20 ?\n>it's -5 ! <|endoftext|> |
>be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel>one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit>he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before>he offers to get me some\n>throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock>several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life>do research, learn about water parameters and soon>eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths>notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade>the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up>a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp>I suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ>by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos>I spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products>quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending\n>start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp>grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out>relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying>I see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp>for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake>it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs\n>cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me>college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp>shit they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool\n>they start inviting me to their social events\n>start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart>I think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew<|endoftext|> |
>be me >Tuesday at school >it\u2019s 5th period and I\u2019m bored as >turn to my friend and say \u201cdon\u2019t >next day I get called into the >start talking about how they think I\u2019m dangerous >mfw May 2nd is a fucking sunday <|endoftext|> |
>be me FEE Ge >4th grade eee? \u00a7=>New Class so we're all introducing>hear my classmates think of stuff like \u201cStrong >can\u2019t think of anything >imfreakingout.png >it\u2019s my turn now >now or never >\"uh..r-r-retarded richard\u201d >whole class laughs >teachers gets mad and sends me to the principal >suspended for a week for ableist language >mfw when i return and the whole class likes me <|endoftext|> |
>Be THC oil cartridge >Very popular among teens as it - a gets you extremely stoned and>Kids are retarded and buy cheap cartridges from chinese Instagram>Kids start getting sick by vaping low quality THC cartridges with dangerous ingredients>Big tobacco uses this as an opportunity to demonize all vapes, including nicotine vapes>boomers eat it up without question\n>Trump is set to ban vaping flavored nicotine juice>Cigarettes are still okay though Boomers are retarded.<|endoftext|> |
>Call someone a faggot\n>At worst they call you a faggot back>That's that Reddit>Call someone a faggot\n>\"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my>You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our dicks to come back<|endoftext|> |
>love having pressure on top of me\n>buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay>do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids<|endoftext|> |
>be office lunch >coworkers are (for some reason) talking about how many sexual>despite being the quiet incel type, I've actually had 8 girls in my entire>so mention that I've slept with 8 people while getting something from the fridge>one coworker: \"escorts don't count, silly.\u201d everyone snickers>me (taking slight offense): \"your cousins don't count either, cheryl\">for some reason, I'm the one who gets in trouble <|endoftext|> |
>Me at college\n>Be at library. Looking for some >See a girl sitting at a random table >She's fucking adorable. Dark hair, mesmerizing green eyes>not the most confided guy but think Fuck it. I'll try\n>walk up to her and say a cheesy pick up line\n>doesn't respond >\"Excuse me?\" >She notices me and looks up at me >does something in sign language >Turns out she's deaf >excuse myself and turn around defeated. Way to embarrased to keep the conversation going>stop myself half way out the library >gather up all my courage and walk back >sit down next to her and write \"You're cute. Want to go out?\" On a sticky note>she reads it and looks at me >I smile like a dumbass while she looks me over\n>she eventually nods and scribbles her number on the note>her name is Alice >we go out that Friday >we have a great time >fast forward to a few months later >we're officially dating >learn sign language for her >getting pretty good at it >the first thing I learned to sign was \"I love you\"\n>Fast forward again to yesterday >Today is the day >Me, Her mom, brother and me are sitting in the doctor's office>they gradually turn up her implant >she starts crying because she hears her mom for the first time>I remain silent >her mom and brother and talking to her, crying all the while>eventually she looks at me >I move closer to he >tell her something I wanted to say from the day I met her in the library>\"I love you. Please marry me\" <|endoftext|> |
>brush teeth twice a day (from brushing once a month)>cold shower daily (used to shower once a month if that)>day 5 of nofap >eating well >job interview in an hour 30 <|endoftext|> |
>dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram\n>6 months later says \"I think I'm gonna buy a new truck\">whatthefuck.jpeg\n>\"why you just got a new one\" >\"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever\"\n>says I don't understand vehicles\n>tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't understand why<|endoftext|> |
>be me 3 years ago >16 years old >Not many friends. >Feel alone as hell, see everyone partying and shit and I'm sitting around>Looks at me >\"Hey anon! Your a funny dude, how about you join us\u201d\n>Heart skips a beat, this is all I have ever wanted. >We go out eat some chipolte, go too Walmart and fuck around there. Buy like 15 king sized kit Kats for shits n>Finally they dropped me off at home >I hate home, mom is terrible. >Obvious frown >Friendo looks at me \"hey.. we'll see you around anon. You fit right in.>Smiled and nodded >Walked inside room and cried happiness cry.\n<|endoftext|> |
>asks me to buy a christmas tree >we go buy a nice one\n>carry it around like a slave\n>mom is happy\n>feelsgoodman\n>i lift it into the house\n>my dad says hes not feeling well\n>COLLAPSES\n>WTF\n>mom panics\n>dad just laying there knocked out\n>we put him in a safe position quickly\n>my heart is racing\n>i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch\n>mom calls 911\n>im panicking too\n>figure that the hospital is not so far away\n>LIFT him back up and carry him into car\n>mom is screaming at me but i cant hear shit\n>race to hospital\n>LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER\n>scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts<|endoftext|> |
>almost completely unregulated < 4 >incompatible with traffic jams & >no note>no insurance needed >no license needed you ate for breakfast this morning>probably one of the most fuel-efficient vehicles in existence, come to think of it>goes as far and as fast as you can\n>no need for parking lots, just leave it anywhere there is a secure structure you can attach it to>and even if someone does steal it, it's so inexpensive you could literally just buy another no problem>physically improves you while you use it\n>plain ol' fun\n>minimal environmental impact\n>collisions are significantly less likely to kill or even injure\n>if entire cities were designed around these the way they are with cars, everyone would be fine with it>doesn't even need seatbelts why is the automobile viewed as the ultimate symbol of<|endoftext|> |
>Brother is a history teacher for kids in 5th grade\n>Told me he brought up 9/11 to his class >Said kids went instantly insane >They didn't know it was real >One kid said he thought it was just a meme <|endoftext|> |
>first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench\n>next to me are some zoomers and wiggers>they snicker and say to themselves computer 24/7\">About to cry >make up some bullshit like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave>Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's motherfucking Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >o-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected>Mfw this chad says \"see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i will t each you deadilifts\"<|endoftext|> |
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