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>be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every hi lunch or free period and smoke>420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >\"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?\" >\"I become a baked potato\" >good on ya dougie, fucking champion. <|endoftext|> |
>be me >be white >have job in landscaping for multiple HOAs\n>work with a lot of latinos who speak little to no English>white lady comes up to me >start speaking back to her in Dutch\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>be in school\n>teacher is 12/10 milf\n>give subtle hints and flirt with her\n>she flirts back\n>kissing,hugging etc\n>one day start kissing and hugging her\n>she kisses back\n>end up banging her\n>her husband walks in\n>shit.jpg\n>he beats the fuck out of me and throws me out of the house<|endoftext|> |
>legal >weed is legal >prostitution is de facto legal >no prison labor or private prisons <|endoftext|> |
>live in virginia\n>move to north carolina\n>see ya later virginians <|endoftext|> |
>be me >13 >social outcast with no social skills who everyone makes fun of>at a school party >everyone\u2019s dancing, I just >a stacy from my class comes up >asks me to dance with a smug look on her face\n>autism kicks in >just stand there and stare at her for a solid 5 seconds>then just turn and walk the other way as fast as I can>next day in class >overhear the girl talking with her friends >hear her say that her plan was to embarass me but got embarrassed herself for being rejected by>mfw my autism inadvertently made me look like a chad>take that stacy\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>Austrian, so mandatory military service>at physical exam\n>doctor asks me if I amina relationship (obviously no)>\"You want my number?\"\n>She sends me out\n>A few mins later the officer comes and shouts at me that I \"sexually harrassed the doctor\"<|endoftext|> |
>be a hydrogen atom >Form a star >Star explodes >Float around >Help form another star >Star explodes >Float.jpg >Third Time ls The Charm >Finally get fused into helium with 3 of my hydrogen bros>Become Photon >Bounce around the star for 10 MILLION YEARS>Glorious escape! >I'm going towards a rocky planet close to this star>By some miracle strike a chlorophyll in an algae>Become sugar! >The algae dies, floats to the bottom of the ocean>Accumulate.jpg >Sink into the ground, compressed from above, heated from below>Become crude oil >500 million years pass >Be pumped to surface >Be oxidized >Energy heats water >Steam spins a turbine >Become electricity >Move lithium ions to anode >Energy is released >Travel through a complex network of gates>Cause LED to release a single photon\n>It's furry porn\n<|endoftext|> |
>finish cigarette >drop it in can >mfw it's the soda I just walked into the kitchen to get<|endoftext|> |
>be me. 5'11\" 260 pounds. ~~ \u2014 >my life consists of I 4 \u20ac>) cleaning out the trashcans>know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks>he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently>\"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that fucking weight so you>he died today <|endoftext|> |
>maybe another day of masturbation and video games will improve my life<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>bored af\n>create reddit acc just for mocking on fags>tries to post something on any community>post removed\n>tries to comment\n>\"you don't have enough karma to comment\"\n>google how do i get fucking karma?\n>\"you get karma by posting and commenting\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>Upset Trump lost\n>Go for a walk (Thursday) >Joke about injecting hormones and >Goes home\n>Thinks it's time to take my girlfriend search seriously\n>Opens Bumble\n>Swipes\n>Sees cute sjw 19 year old girl with gender nonsense and BLM on her profile.>kek.\n>Maypbe trolling while I look isn't so bad.\n>Swipes right\n>Match\n>She messages me instantly\n>I pull out my 4chan normie trope by talking about star wars\n>I tease her\n>she responds my making fun of her self\n>Oh no.\n>She has a sense of humour.\n>Arrange to meet at the park in 2 (social distancing date) days.>Wow!\n>She looks nicer irl\n>We played frisbee at the park\n>We ordered some food\n>More Star Wars and Marvel Larp.\n>She shows me her cringy cosplay\n>I tease her\n>She laughs at herself\n>I like her a lot.\n>I stop believing in 4chan social dynamics\n>I stop believing in conspiracy theories\n>I like Biden\n>I slowly accept progressivism\n>what is happening to me.\n>I am becoming an NPC.\n>I like it. <|endoftext|> |
>Be a kid >Come home from school >Mom works an evening shift >She leaves pizza for me >TMNT Tournament Fighters and The Addams Family>Put pizza in oven and use watch to time it\n>Play game while pizza cooks, often get distracted by my games.>Have burnt pizza most nights but eat it anyway.>Usually asleep by the time Mom gets home>We'd chat for a while if I was still up playing games.>One night on her way home she was hit by a drunk driver and she died.>In my 20s now >Occasionally I'll play TMNT and Addams Family on a SNES and fat old CRT TV and>Eating burnt pizza comforts me regardless of the taste.>Pretend Mom is still out there working at the gas station>Go to bed early so the illusion isn't broken\n<|endoftext|> |
>getting mcdonalds late at night\n>going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone>she says \"those fries smell good\"\n>I say \"yup\"\n>I say \"fries are pretty good\"\n>on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says \"i>I say \"they're open 24 hours\"\n>she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 14 at the time >Lights constantly flickering and PC randomly turning off>Call up electricity company >They supposedly fix the problem >it still happens >Mum jokes that the neighbour is probably growing cannabis and is tapping into our electricity supply>Neighbour has a big shed >I decide to climb over his fence and take a look inside\n>somuchweed.png >I take pictures with my phone >Come back home and tell my mummy >I call 101 (Non-emergency line) >Woman thinks I'm lying >Next day the police smash down his door and take all his weed away>He goes to jail and his kid gets taken away <|endoftext|> |
> walk down street > girl walking her dog > dog starts walking towards me\n> she pulls the dog away > \u201cdon\u2019t bother him\u201d <|endoftext|> |
>Girl looks at me >The image of me is now pulsing through her neurons>Technically am inside her\n>Later virgins\n<|endoftext|> |
>get angry call from woman\n>says he copier has been broken for days>shit.png\n>tell her I called it in to xerox\n>fucking didn't\n>sneak over to her office\n>the plan was to impersonate the Xerox guy I told her I called because she only knows my voice not>as I'm walking in, some one else from her office catches me>\"hey xerox guy!\"\n>I don't lie I just say \"I'm here to fix the copier\"\n>think the things fucked and that I really will have to call it in and I'm gonna get chewed out for>I walk behind the machine and plug it in\n>office becomes visibly excited\n>get call from lady apologizing for being harsh and blames Xerox for being late<|endoftext|> |
> study a foreign language in secret> study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the> hide all of your resources for the target language> talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life> become a master of this language\n> one day, go to public place like grocery store\n> pretend to slip / fall / feint\n> when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>2 years ago\n>In high school\n>Working on a science project\n>Some chads sit at my table\n>They don't do their project of course>\"Hey anon\"\n>I look over\n>\"Do you know you're a fucking normie\"\n>Ask them if they know where that word comes from>they say instagram\n>Normies call me a normie because I don't talk about memes in public<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, 14 years old >Freshman year >On second day of school, make a friend who we will call Mike>Mike was a few years older than me >Get really close with mike >At the time, kissless virgin >Terrified with girls >Desperate for a girlfriend >Mike tells me that it's easy to talk to girls\n>Just don't be nervous and talk to one >lv'e always been too nervous to even approach a grill>One day, he literally pushes me infront a girl i like>\"Hey this is anon.\" >Walks away >I panick, and she kind of giggles >We end up talking >Shes actually kind of nice >Me and female become friends >Me and female end up dating >Dating for a year and a half >We become known as the Lily and Marshal of my highschool>We do everything together >Mike is having a party at his house >Me and female go >I have a few drinks, but gf has alot more than i do>She gets some cigaretts and starts smoking with some guy>Drunkenly tries to make me smoke too >i try it, but have a coughing fit and don't do it again>She starts to get anoyed that i won't smoke with her>\"Whatever\" she says and walks off visually frustrated>Kept partying with Mike and make a few new friends.>Later, i can't find gf >Start asking around for her >One girl says she saw her go upstairs with\n>smoker guy >Mike sees me run upstairs and follows me\n>Open a bedroom door and see her with her top off, making out with smokerfag>I'm stunned. Speachless >Mike grabs guy and throws him off the bed\n>Female starts crying and saying sorry >Runs over and hugs me >Few days later, feel an urge to smoke\n>Decide \"what's the harm\" >I end up having one maybe once a week.\n>Not 19 yet (legel smoking/drinking age in canada) so i have to bum them off of people>turns out female kept on talking and seeing eachother once in a while behind my back>Start smoking to cope with it >I was in love with female, and i still am >I dont know how to deal this. She was my everything>i get super depressed >cry almost every night for 6 months\n>contemplate suicide >decide i dont want to live without female\n>decide to get super drunk and give myself alcohol poisoning. Just kind of, fade away> ive always told mike everything, but i didnt tell him how hurt i was by female.> tell him i want to drink > mike lives alone now, so we do it at his house\n>get super drunk. I cant really remember any of what happened that night>aparently i passed out and he turned me on my side so i wouldnt choke on my own vomit>Wake up and see him sitting in a chair >start crying uncontrollably >tell mike what i tried to do >be me >2 weeks ago > lungs feel strange. Sharp pains when i take deep breaths> go to doctor to get it checked out >take some tests > few days later, i get a call from doctor\n>nervouse as fuck >turns out im completly fine > suicide attempt was a month ago >Still a little depressed, but not suicidal anymore\n> mike calls or texts me everyday to makesure in ok>one day, mike texts me a link of a funny picture to try and cheer me up>its a link to a picture on 9gag >9gag opens >get cancer\n<|endoftext|> |
>never talk to anyone at the gym\n>today, doing my cardio routine\n>fatty on the treadmill next to mine\n>he's huffing and puffing from walking fast, but he's actually doing>give him a fistbump >later in the locker room >he enters the shower as I get out of the sauna, >mutter \"good job\" at him >he smiles and says thanks <|endoftext|> |
>be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died ->rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox>wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married.>my stepdaughter is now my stepmother\n>my father is my sonin law. >wif.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad\n>my baby is now my uncle >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild>my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling>I am married to my grandma >I am my own grandpa. <|endoftext|> |
>Walk into your bedroom\n>You find Belle Delphine on your bed<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>find trap porn because of this dumb site>download a gay hookup app to find one and get the urge off me = >match with a short femme nerd>closeenough.jpeg\n>hookup two separate times\n>starts coming over for tv and games sometimes without sex>randomly brings food over from his shitty wageslave gig>asks to be my roommate so he can finally move out of his parents\u2019 house>we've become great buds and regularly have sex\n>mfw i\u2019m in a loving gay relationship\n<|endoftext|> |
>stay in bed all day\n>eat like shit\n>don't exercise\n>don't talk to anyone Ta daaaa>I'm depressed\n<|endoftext|> |
>asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage>ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties<|endoftext|> |
>finally get a wagecuck job after years of y being a neet>furniture warehouse position where I basically just move mattresses around>work is only like 2-3 hours out of the 8 ~\u2014 hour day>most of the time is just all the warehouse guys hanging out>get health insurance and am getting dental work done for basically free>have a reason to get up in the morning\n>get some exercise\n>customers thank me and I feel like I'm doing something\n>am actually socializing and got invited to my first adult party at 25 years old today>am actually making some money <|endoftext|> |
>broke uni student\n>mother is meth head\n>dad is pedo\n>snooped through my younger tranny porn>gf left me just 1 week ago\n>been drinking nonstop\n>grades are collapsing Thank you all for the amazing memories, I've<|endoftext|> |
>Playing air hockey with sister's friend\n>She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach\n>Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique\n>She has a miscarriage. <|endoftext|> |
> Be me r \u201cee > Decide to get vaccine> Drive on over to the vaccination center in my town> as soon as I get there I notice a mob\n> it\u2019s a group of anti-vacc retards chanting \u201cVaccines cause autism\u201d and \u201cCOVID vaccine is> think they are just a group of paranoid dipshits\n> proceed to head inside\n> fill out paperwork and await my shot\n> wait in a room along with hundreds of other people\n> biggest crowd of people I\u2019ve seen in a room since the quarantine> after around an hour I get the shot\n> get told to come back in two weeks for the next dose\n> leave building\n> crowd of dipshits are still chanting\n> get in car\n> Head home\n> about half way I start getting a little drowsy\n> tough it out until I get home\n> as soon as I get home I fall on my couch\n> pass the fuck out\n> when I wake up I notice a loading bar\n> \u201cDownloading Autisim.exe\u201d\n> FUCK\n> Bar is at 98%\n> lay there in fear\n> 99%\n> start to cry\n> Error: Autism.exe already Running on system\n> MFW I\u2019ve had autism this whole time <|endoftext|> |
>mfw laid regularly >mifw live in a blue state >mfw women aren\u2019t apprehensive about sex due to access to birth control<|endoftext|> |
>playing a single player shooter game>spend the entire playthrough hoarding all the primo ammo>only use the shittiest weapons and ammo because \"! might need>complete the final mission\n>suddenly realize I got through the whole game without ever>realize I'm doing the same thing with my actual life<|endoftext|> |
>be me >17 >male >broke af >think of ways to make easy >remember hearing about girls >look at my feet >notice how feminine they look >turn 18 >download OnlyFans on my phone >setup billing information and shit >shave off all hair on my feet and lower legs\n>take pictures of feet >horny retards start paying monthly subscriptions for my feet>starts off slow but eventually start making decent money>doesn\u2019t matter, now financially stable\n<|endoftext|> |
>normie asks me the time\n>\"i dont know\" >\"look at your watch\" >look at her right in the eyes\n>\"no\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>make thread >no one replies >pull out my phone and reply to my thread<|endoftext|> |
>fruit tribe laughs at meat tribe\n>says meat tribe breath stop early\n>ice age come >no fruit left >guess who laugh now <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>want steroids for quick gains >basically pure testosterone in a pill >order a few months supply <|endoftext|> |
>Doing deadlifts >Some fucking kid runs around my gym>Runs into my leg as I'm trying to lockout the lift>I drop the bar into the ground, loudly >Tell the kid to piss off >His mother shows up, angry as fuck >Tells me to stop lifting around the kids >Reply that she should keep the kids away from me>Next day >Fucking kid is bothering me again when im doing chest>Slam the weights loudly right next to him >Kid cries, tells his mom that I'm scary >The mom flips out, gives me a huge rant about what a meathead I am>I yell back, she eventually starts crying and runs off with both her kids>She moves out, never see her or the little shits again>Homegym masterrace <|endoftext|> |
>Have a whole week to do an assignment>Wait until the last 4 hours\n>have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't>do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment\n>wait until the last 2 hours\n<|endoftext|> |
>2 years of progress undone in 2 weeks thats life<|endoftext|> |
>barges into your airspace >prevents you from establishing air dominance\n>refuses to elaborate >leaves\n<|endoftext|> |
>walking home from a party late one evening\n>several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by>try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as shit>catch me in some random student neighbourhood>oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out\n>leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent>\"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and>guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten>\"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!\">all three of them draw rapiers on their belts\n>guys run >\" know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale,>spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics>bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there\n>blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it ina machine shop accident>stagger home completely drunk with a hat <|endoftext|> |
>be 2nd grade teacher\n>school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood>one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa>he's big and scary-looking, but super fucking nice\n>leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is>look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me>try to fight back but it's 3-on-1\n>get my watch, phone, and wallet taken\n>next day during dismissal\n>students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened>oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home\n>he asks what they looked like\n>don't know but I remember they drove away ina white Camaro>he nods and says okay\n>about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack>inside is my phone, wallet, and watch\n>see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake>owner is still missing\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me\n>Redditfag\n>Post comment reply on r/greentext making joke about how I>\u201dYour account has been permanently suspended for sexual or suggestive>mfw Reddit now thinks I\u2019m a registered sex offender.>mfw they think I had sex.\n>later virgins.\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>get bored\n>order a pizza\n>pretend to be a pizza delivery guy\n>deliver pizzas to random people alone and who likes pizza>thats all i need\n>eventually run into a few\n>porn lied to me, whatever\n>around 70% of people actually decide to pay me for my pizza>others say they didnt order it\n>no loss\n>i guess people want pizzas some people just dont order them>idea.jpg >a pizza is 4 dollars at the store, ill sell it for 6\n>buy 20 pizzas >sell all of them to random people pretending to be a delivery guy>40 dollar profit for selling 20 pizzas\n>do this when i need extra money\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >cum into toilet\n>flush >cum gets to sewage\n>then to ocean >cum in ocean >gets hot\n>evaporates >rain in russia >gets bottled >sold >qt3.14 drinks it\n>technically sucked my dick Later, virgins<|endoftext|> |
> be me, closeted bisexual\n> mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps> decide to find a trap irl\n> go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy> he wants to meet up\n> itsHappening.exe\n> show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em> get up to bedroom and start making out\n> he stops, \"Anon, I have to tell you something\"\n> \"It's cool, I know you have a dick\"\n> \"Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a dick\"\n> mfw, it's actually a chick\n> mfw, I got reversed traped <|endoftext|> |
>in school\n>chinese transfer student comes up to me>barely speaks english\n>\"anon how speak person that\n>he means teacher\n>teacher is black\n>idea\n>\"oh it's nigger\"\n>ching chong steps into class\n>happy exclaims \"HI NIGGER\"\n>mfw <|endoftext|> |
>Read 314 pages of terms and conditions>Clicked \u2018disagree\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>find out my shitty country has Splatoon tournaments>the winner of last one got a fucking bunch of oranges>most of them aren't even ripe <|endoftext|> |
>be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10\n>shes quirky but fun\n>dat ass >second date >go to her place\n>shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold >crazy bitch is shoving 3 - 4 plastic horses into my asshole\n>she says my condition is \"stable\"\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Accidentally catch my 14 year old brother on Nhentai>Was gonna never bring it up again but the little fuck started acting weird>Apparently he's been browsing the shotacon, incest, milf tags cuz he's>mf isn't even subtle about it >Thinks the world runs on hentai logic\n>One night when we're sleeping >I'm still awake and follow him >lil bro goes to aunt reading on the couch>He has a massive fucking boner\n>Pulls the generic hentai \"It suddenly got big\" \"help me\">Whips out his cock and gets closer expecting a fuck>Instead gets screamed at by the aunt and essentially every member of the<|endoftext|> |
>be me >suck a dick >gets called a faggot\n>girl sucks multiple dicks\n>not a faggot <|endoftext|> |
>Welcome to Paris monsieur, we serve ze best cuisine in ze universe t >May I take your ordeure ?<|endoftext|> |
>go on akinator >say yes when asked if your character is a porn-star>answer in accordance to what you want your porn-star to look like>profit\n<|endoftext|> |
>Check if annoying orange is still a thing>last upload: 18 hours ago <|endoftext|> |
>be me \u00bb @* @) >around 9 years old>dad loves hunting, wants to take me>I don\u2019t like the idea of killing think I\u2019m a little bitch so I reluctantly>set the trap, put some scented food in it >small doe comes up, have my sight lined up, ready to pull the trigger>feel instant regret even before killling the animal\n>turn to my dad >\u201d\"Dad, I\u2019m sorry but I really don\u2019t want to take this animals life\u201d>That\u2019s okay son, why don\u2019t you just keep setting up the traps, you\u2019re really good at it>continue to set traps >we do this every couple of months for years, I set the traps, he takes the shots>recently entered a trap setting contest in my local hunter union>won >mfw I\u2019m a master baiter\n<|endoftext|> |
>told my grandfather that I would support trump back in 2018>he dies in 2019, leaving me 120k because I was his favorite nephew for>vote biden anyway I might go shit on his grave later.<|endoftext|> |
>Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security\n>brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >\"We are the fucking cops, we are going to come in.\u201d\n>I say \u201criddle me this...\" then proceed to puke on one of them.\n>They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus. >never recognize me <|endoftext|> |
>be me >from the day one i loved videogames and wanted to work>worked very hard to get to good school>no life because of it but thought \"fuck it it will be worth it\">graduated uni, one of the best students\n>looking for job >this one big company asks me to make video game>yaaaaas.phd >it's fucking blizzard >it's fucking diablo mobile <|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Virgin, 24 years old >Social outcast, no friends >See this thing on the internet >'virgin meetup\" >Had nothing better to do with my life so went to the address\n>Bunch of guys my age, all virgins >Hang around, talk about stuff >They're all pretty cool, stay there late >Look at my watch, I should probably go home\n>Walk towards the door to leave >They ask if I'm gonna come back another day >Yeah sure >wave goodbye <|endoftext|> |
>we reported thots now lets get the Pauls>logal paul and jake paul jump in a canal in Italy>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6 UYPX7AM94 [Open] [Embed]>its illegal to swim in canals in italy > subject matter jurisdiction and International criminal law means as a US>https://www.justice.gov/actioncent er/report-crime<|endoftext|> |
>2004\n>be 7\n>mom is strict so I must go to sleep at 9pm even / \\, during summer holiday / \u2018\\ >her aunt passes away, she goes to the funeral>want to see Shrek 2 in cinema\n>check cinema schedule\n>go to 6pm one with dad\n>accidentally checked yesterday's schedule, film started at 5pm with the next one starting at 8:30pm>upset.png\n>dad says he buys two tickets for the 8:30pm Shrek 2\n>surprised.jpg\n>he says mom doesn\u2019t need to know, it'll be our secret\n>movie ended at 10:30pm\n>when we went home dad let me play Tony Hawk\u2019s Underground \u2018til 1am<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>cub scouts camping trip\n>its getting dark >scout master tells us to get wood n \\ shit for a bonfire>see the perfect stick >grab it >its a rattlesnake tail >too retarded to run away >bring it over my head and swing it in circles >the snake can't come back and bite me >shout for help >everyone comes >sees me using a snake like a lasso >kids laughing, adults shitting pants >tell me to hit the snake against a tree as hard as I can>hope it breaks its neck >whip its head at mach speed into the biggest tree I could find>head explodes >adults don't know whether to congratulate or punish me>other kids think I'm hardcore >mfw my nickname was snake charmer from then on\n<|endoftext|> |
>2007 >Someone kept eating my lunch out of the fridge at work\n>I got tired of it >I poisoned my sandwich with mole poison (look that shit up) and rubbed raw chicken all over the lunch meat>Slapped that puppy in the fridge with a fake name on it\n>It disappeared before lunch >Heard nothing until the next day >Apparently ambulances showed up on 3rd shift and took a guy out on a stretcher>He had to get his stomach pumped and was out of work for a month>I had never even met this guy. He was stealing my food before leaving at the shift change and then eating it the<|endoftext|> |
>Be me >Going to bed while staying at grandparents\u2019 rural farmhouse as a 10 year old>Not tired at all - 100% lucid. >Decide eh I'll just try closing my eyes. >It's only 9:30 p.m. >The MOMENT I close my eyes it's instantly morning literally within a blink of an eye.>Brother was in the twin bed next to me and he disappeared instantaneously.>Can smell grandma making breakfast.\n>YouWutMate.jpeg >Never been able to reproduce what happened or have somebody tell me the same happened to<|endoftext|> |
>Use Tinder >No Matches >Use Grindr >Instantly get a message every couple minutes<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>me bee <|endoftext|> |
>Be shy 17 year old\n>Meet girl at a party\n>She is pretty i >Always wants to touch, sit on lap>Party ends\n>She proposes to go on a walk\n>Agree, have small nice talk outside\n>She then asks me to come to her house\n>Yes23.jpg\n>Grsbs my hand, practically tows me to her house\n>Go in, have sex\n>Sweaty, go to her kitchen to grab drink\n>Her mom is there\n>Im naked\n>brain_shudown.gif\n>Grab her hand and say \"Hello, my name is Anon\u2019 <|endoftext|> |
>taking piss at public urinal >guy walks in and starts using the one next to me\n>he looks over at me >'nice cock bro, i bet you cum alot right? Yeah i bet you do\u2019<|endoftext|> |
>\"Shaken, not stirred\" <|endoftext|> |
>Parents split up at early age\n>Didn't see dad very much\n>Every time I went there he always bought me a game\n>Always ended up buying REALLY awesome games (even some more obscure stuf)\n>He always said it was luck and that he wasn't into video games\n>Oh well\n>This goes on for years\n>He eventually stops buying games for me since I bought them myself\n>Dad died\n>Went to his place to clean up\n>Open his wardrobe\n>it was filled with TONS of video game magazines\n>Check through some of them for nostalgia\n>He had circled games that seemed cooled and left notes like \"anon said he wanted-an action game\u2019\n>Other notes like \"work extra buy both?\n>My fucking face when I found out he had spent hours reading about something that he doesn't care about because he cared about me\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me >9yo >shopping at Toys R Us >pick out some Barbie dolls >go to checkout >clerk smiles and asks \"oh, are you shopping for your sister or cousin?\">\"nope, for me\" >\"aren't those toys a little girly for you?\" >\"I need some whores for my GI Joes\" <|endoftext|> |
>go to bed\n>you have a gripping pain in your chest>it spreads to the left side of your neck>can't sleep Guys am I gonna have a frickin>might have a heart attack\n>better post on 4chan I hope it kills you<|endoftext|> |
>my dad was the coolest mother fucker to me when i was a kid>city cop, used to take me places in his cop car all the time>he'd say \"wanna go for light up ride anon?\">we'd go wherever, he'd turn the >used to brag about him to my friends all the time\n>best times of my childhood <|endoftext|> |
>be me <|endoftext|> |
>buy chemicals for a peaceful suicide>they all arrive\n>have everything ready\n>suddenly feel happy anymore>the fake smile I put on turns into a real one\n>start enjoying life and treating people nice What the fuck is happening?<|endoftext|> |
>talking to my dad about my depression>explaining passive suicidality\n>\"while I'm not going to actively try to kill myself, if a truck was coming>his reply >his fucking reply >\"oh that's how I've felt my whole life\" >mfw <|endoftext|> |
>be beta fag with no friends\n>live alone in shitty apartment\n>walk outside one day and and\n>crow has one partially white wing>feed it bread because it's all I have in apartment\n>crow keeps coming back for food\n>one day crow bring me a shiny bit of trash\n>accept offering from crow\n>few months pass he comes every day\n>he brings me shit most days\n>one day crow doesnt show up.\n>mfw my only friend has abandoned me\n>weekend passes\n>still hasnt come i watch for him constantly\n>monday morning i go to work\n>see dead crow on side of street near home\n>stop and get out\n>tfw it has a partially white wing\n>see it has been hit by car\n>near beak is some weird bracelet\n>tfw my only friend died trying to get me a gift\n>tfw I have nothing pic related<|endoftext|> |
>am fully vaccinated >still wear a mask in public because it triggers antimaskers into>I'm free to wear a mask and that freedom makes them seeth.<|endoftext|> |
>be me >20 >walking around Brooklyn\n>new to the city >feel and opportunity come up\n>yell at the top of my lungs >BADDA BING > some fat guy in a greasy tank top yells from his apartment window>BADDA BOOM >mfw\n<|endoftext|> |
>born a white american male >grow up in a conservative upper middle class family\n>very idealistic about the nation, want to serve, enlist when 18>deployed in Iraq >legs blown off fighting for oil >go home, struggling, corrupt, mismanaged, and underfunded VA does nothing meaningful to help>physical and psychological trauma have assured that I can never love or be loved again>die lonely hateful and a tragic victim of a broken system\n>but at least we have 11 aircraft carriers\n>tearsofpatrioticjoy.png <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>I wanna talk about some politics>go to /pol/\n>\u201d Jewish people and the worlds issues.\u201d>wtf.jpg\n>go to twitter\n>\"all white people are inherently racist and homophobic.\u201d>wtf that\u2019s not true\n>go to reddit\n>\"communism has never failed\u201d\n>have you people taken a single history class??>go to facebook\n>\u2019 if I see another sheep wearing a mask I\u2019m going to gun them down\u201d>huh??? <|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>christian\n>have 3.5 peener\n>gf wanted sex\n>told her the big NO >drive home sad >got into car accident >went to heaven >meet god >God shakes my hand >he whispered >\"mah nigga\" >i smiled >sent back to earth\n<|endoftext|> |
>Be me, social retard . >Work is always difficult because>Like the idea of camping\n>Decide I'm going to be the Camp Bro NPC\n>No matter what, no matter how minor the question or subject is at work, always tie in>Any time I'm away from my desk I put a \"Gone Fishing\" sign up>Start to wear plaid and camo, drink my coffee out of a thermos>People are annoyed at first, but ignore it\n>Eventually people start to talk to me about camping, asking for places, ideas, how to do stuff>Start to make friends, coworkers want to do a BBQ by the river and invite me and have me help>it goes great and I bullshit my way through everything>\"Whoa, you're a pretty cool guy, anon!\"\n>mfw I've never been camping and just browse /out/ too much<|endoftext|> |
>Get laid S >Get on bed 5 >Girl says wait>Goes to the bathroom\n>what'staikingsolong.jpeg\n>\"Hey are you okay there?\"\n>No response\n>I knock on the bathroom door\n>Slowly open the door\n>Nobody inside\n>Dust on the floor\n<|endoftext|> |
>He's mistaking a nicety for affection again<|endoftext|> |
>my wife fought tooth and claw to get my dog in the divorce >my dog that had been with me for 10 years even before I knew my wife >I couldn't understand why she wanted him so badly because she never really liked the dog\n>the day after winning him, she got him put down\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me. 5'11\" 260 pounds. >my life consists of Sp a cleaning out the trashcans>know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks>he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently>\"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that fucking weight so you>he died today <|endoftext|> |
>go in public >see guys that are uglier than me >see guys that are more out of >see guys that worse dressed than >even see guys that are shorter <|endoftext|> |
>I'm white\n>I'm young\n>I'm physically healthy\n>I'm not a manlet(over 6'0\" / >I have a strong sense of morality >I have a strong sense of honor\n>I have a favourable personality\n>l've been told I am handsome\n>I can protect my wife and offspring from predators\n>I can provide resources and coverture for my wife and children>I am good with children and would make a good father>I can cook\n>I'm a strong swimmer\n>I have good taste in anime >I have good taste in anime. Thats how you dry up their pussy like a desert you<|endoftext|> |
>Playing MMO >Walk up to rando\n>Start jumping >They jump too <|endoftext|> |
>asks me to buy a christmas tree >we go buy a nice one\n>carry it around like a slave\n>mom is happy\n>feelsgoodman\n>i lift it into the house\n>my dad says hes not feeling well\n>COLLAPSES\n>WTF\n>mom panics\n>dad just laying there knocked out\n>we put him in a safe position quickly\n>my heart is racing\n>i decide to LIFT him up and carry him to the couch\n>mom calls 911\n>im panicking too\n>figure that the hospital is not so far away\n>LIFT him back up and carry him into car\n>mom is screaming at me but i cant hear shit\n>race to hospital\n>LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER\n>scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts<|endoftext|> |
>be girl >middle school, early 2000s\n>walking to class >see some short kid getting shoved into the locker>tiny little hispanic kid and his two goons are harrassing this kid for lunch money>is this real life >take the little hispanic kid and put him in a chicken hold>tell him if he touches this kid again I'll beat his face into the locker so hard his parents wont be able to>he calls his goons off, runs away >short kid follows me around for the rest of the school year, carrying my books and taking care of<|endoftext|> |
>be me, 23\n> fucking this older girl, she's around 30> getbusycoomingorgetbusydying 4 > suddenly she grabs my face and> wispers 'come for mommy baby > sit there frozen in complete shock\n> jizz the biggest load of my life <|endoftext|> |
>be 3 years old\n>standing in the living room next to leather sofa>for no apparent reason think to myself \"i will remember this moment\">still do\n<|endoftext|> |
>be me\n>in iraq\n>start smoking a pipe because AIRE fuck it im probably going to die>one day on patrol in some shitty village\n>over 100 degrees, towlheads everywhere screaming at eachother and trying to sell shit>you know just a normal day >decide to sit down for a drink and a smoke because im in full gear and it is like a trillion>sit down and light up pic related >sitting down for maybe a minute, take a few puffs>bowl explodes as its in my mouth >a fucking sniper shot my pipe >the bullet travelled 3 inches from my face\n>everyone scatters for cover as usual >to this day I dont know if the sniper missed or if he was trying to just fuck with me.<|endoftext|> |
>watch Predator for the first time when I was 10>think the predator is badass\n>get Xbox live\n>think of cool gamer tag\n>xxTheChildPredatorxx >haven't the slightest clue why <|endoftext|> |
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