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michaelginn
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bert_data_tokenized

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when pesh remained silent , megan tentatively asked , `` did she die in childbirth ? ''
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he shook his head .
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`` no , we never got that far .
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we tried for over a year to get pregnant on our own , and it did n't happen .
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so we were recommended to a fertility clinic .
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once the iui process did n't work , we started ivf . ''
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a ragged sigh came from deep in his chest .
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`` the whole process was physically trying and then emotionally gutting for both of us , but especially for jade . ''
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he met her gaze .
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`` she blamed herself since the testing revealed that everything was fine with me .
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although we were labeled as 'non-specific infertility , ' she felt that it was all her fault . ''
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`` bless her heart , '' megan murmured , as her heart went out to a woman she 'd never met .
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getting pregnant had been so easy for her .
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although mason was n't necessarily expected , he had never been unwanted in her eyes .
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but she knew what infertility did to a woman when she saw it ravage her father 's sister .
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although her aunt was now the happy and doting mother of two adopted girls , she knew the emotional toil not getting pregnant had taken .
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megan , herself , had once been the recipient of her aunt 's childless pain when she had announced her pregnancy with mason .
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still without answers as to how jade had died , megan pressed pesh for more .
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`` so what happened with the ivf ? ''
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`` she got pregnant on the first transfer only to miscarry three weeks later .
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we had just been through another transfer when she died . ''
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pesh 's adam 's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard .
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megan could only imagine he was trying to keep his emotions in check .
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finally , he spoke again .
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`` she had an embolism most likely brought on by the fertility medication .
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i was in the kitchen making breakfast when i heard a crash in the bedroom . ''
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tears pooled in his eyes .
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`` when i called her name and she did n't answer , i ran back to her .
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she was crumpled on the bedroom floor .
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after calling 911 , i did cpr over and over again , but i could never revive her . ''
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`` oh pesh , '' megan murmured .
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the weight of his pain was so heavy that even she found it hard to breathe .
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without looking at her , he continued staring straight ahead .
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`` from what the medical examiner said , i have some peace in knowing she did n't suffer-that she went quickly without any fear or pain .
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one minute she was getting ready for work , and the next she was gone . ''
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`` it 's true that there is some peace , especially the fact she did n't know she was going to die .
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sometimes i ca n't imagine what it must be like for terminal patients . ''
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she shuddered .
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`` when you wonder if every day is your last , when you have to think about all you 're going to miss . ''
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`` yes , that is true , '' he said , in a hushed whisper .
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when he finally turned to look at her , he gave her a sad smile .
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`` it 's been two years .
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every time i think i 've moved on , that i 've been able to compartmentalize my grief , a case comes through that brings me to my knees . ''
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`` i 'm so sorry , '' megan murmured , bringing her hand up to cup his cheek .
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he leaned his face into her hand .
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his head bowed until their foreheads met .
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`` you have to remember that no matter what happened to your wife , and to mary , it was n't your fault .
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you were n't responsible .
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you need to keep living .
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you 're alive . ''
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tilting her head up , she gazed into his dark brown eyes .
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`` you 're alive , '' she repeated .
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the rain began to fall harder .
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her eyelids fluttered to keep the moisture out of her eyes as she gazed up at him .
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his mouth hovered next to hers , his breath warming her cheek .
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she could barely breathe in that moment .
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it was like every molecule in her body was pulsing with need .
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silently , she pleaded with her eyes for him to kiss her .
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and then , after what felt like an eternity , he slid his lips over hers .
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it was n't the first time she had kissed him-it was just the first time she was sober and had kissed him .
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now her senses were heightened , and she could experience exactly what she was feeling .
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his lips were tender and soft at first , and then they switched over to desperate and demanding .
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it was like he was breathing her in with every brush of his lips and stroke of his tongue as if to prove to himself that he truly was alive .
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his tongue danced along hers , causing her to moan .
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he brought his hands up to cup her face while her arms went around his chest , pulling him closer to her .
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drops of rain pelted her head and ran down her cheeks while pesh 's white coat grew moist as she ran her hands up and down his back .
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she realized , in a dizzying flurry , that no man had ever kissed her like this before .
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this was like lovemaking with their mouths , and she never wanted it to end .
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when pesh finally tore his lips from hers , megan 's breaths came in heaving pants .
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her eyes opened to stare up at him .
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his expression turned from lust to anguish .
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he shook his head .
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`` i 'm sorry . ''
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`` pesh , you don't- '' he held up his hand .
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`` please , just go . ''
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he turned away from her , wrapping his arms around his chest .
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torn , megan did n't know if she should argue with him and stay or leave .
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`` please , '' he whispered .
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with her heart still beating wildly from their passionate lip-lock , she turned and fled .
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as she pounded back down the stairs , her emotions yo-yoed to where she felt like a watch that had been wound too tight .
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after bursting back through the door , kristi met her in the hallway .
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her eyes widened at megan 's appearance .
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`` i , uh , i went outside on my dinner break , and it started raining , '' megan lied .
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`` next time you 'll have to remember your umbrella , '' kristi replied .
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megan nodded .
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`` yeah , i will . ''
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`` why do n't you go to the break room ?
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there 's a hair dryer under the sink .
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when you finish drying off , i could really use you in the supply closet doing inventory .
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seems like we always almost run out of everything at once . ''
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`` sure .
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i can do that . ''
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as megan turned to go down the hallway , kristi reached out and grabbed her arm .
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`` is he okay ? ''
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megan bit down on her lip to keep a hysterical laugh from escaping .
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was pesh okay ?
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was she okay ?
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who the hell knew ?
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one minute he 'd been weeping about his wife and losing a patient , and the next he 'd been liquid passion dripping on her lips .
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regardless of his emotional whiplash , she 'd experienced the same .
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