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41_74
Yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
41_76
Yeah. Yeah.
change
communication behavior
41_78
Well, one of the things about this list that kind of surprised me is almost every time I have done this list, uh, creativity and freedom have been really high up there. And it didn't even make it to my top five. It was in my top 12.
change
communication behavior
41_80
But I think the conclusion that I came to is that I can be more creative and have more freedom if I have inner peace and self-respect. Part of what- part of what binds me, part of what takes my freedom away is when I just explain all over the place and I don't give any attention to myself. Part of what steals my creativity is when I'm- my mind is reeling around in stress and I am not- I can't even hear myself. I can't even hear myself think. How can you be creative if you can't even hear yourself?
neutral
communication behavior
41_82
Yeah, exactly, to me the creativity comes from the silence, comes from the quiet. It's literally-- I can just be in silence for even if for a few moments. It's amazing the ideas that come to me so quickly and so easily that would take me hours to figure out if I'm stressing.
change
communication behavior
41_84
Thank you, thank you for listening.
change
communication behavior
42_0
I don't know, I'm just having a lot of hard trouble trying to lose the rest of the weight. Um, right now, it's like no matter how much I try to exercise, run, or whatever, it doesn't matter like nothing else is coming off.
neutral
communication behavior
42_2
No, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong because I keep trying the exercise but nothing's happening.
change
communication behavior
42_4
Yes.
neutral
communication behavior
42_6
No, and even when I'm coming home, like, I'll go to the gym and then I'm noticing nothing is happening and I'll come home and I try to talk to my mama about it or even my father, and no one even cares about it. Like no one wants to support in it anyway.
change
communication behavior
42_8
Yes.
neutral
communication behavior
42_10
No, and specifically my father, he just-- Not only does he not want to support me with it but at the same time, he feels like I need to be gaining my weight back.
neutral
communication behavior
42_12
So I—
neutral
communication behavior
42_14
It's as though by me losing weight, it's like I'm somehow disconnecting from my family, and he thinks that I'm trying to form myself to fit into like this perfect American picture and I just want to be healthy, I just want to have a good body and he doesn't think of it that way.
neutral
communication behavior
43_1
Um, well, you know, I have a lot of anxiety, and so there's this test that I have to take. It's a big test and I've kind of been putting it off just 'cause I get very anxious. I don't trust in myself that I'm going to do good at it. Um, and so that's something that's like always on my mind, it's been on my mind for many years and it's like, I gotta just do it. Um, but I always stop myself from doing that because of the anxiety. And I just want to, I don't want to feel that way.
change
communication behavior
43_3
Yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
43_5
Exactly. So, I just avoid it and put it off.
neutral
communication behavior
43_7
Um, maybe like a four or five.
neutral
communication behavior
43_9
I mean, because I-I have it set up after like so many years, so I still have a ton of anxiety about it, but I think I'm like kind of making it, maybe that first step. And so that's why I would rate it as like a four or five because I'm making that first step, but it's still scary for me.
change
communication behavior
43_11
Yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
43_13
Yes. And I already kind of put it off after s-scheduling it too. So, um, now I'm actually enjoying that because I-I already like changed date and everything. So now it's actually coming.
neutral
communication behavior
43_15
Yes.
neutral
communication behavior
43_17
Um, well I think it's this kind of long time coming. I just need to do it and then I can figure out, if I don't pass, I have to wait three more months to do it. And then I just study for the next three months. And if I do, then I can have that weight lifted off my shoulders cause it's been all a lot of weight on me and I think about it every single day. And I'm just sick of thinking about it.
change
communication behavior
43_19
Yeah. But then I do worry, you know, that negative talk that, you know, when you have anxiety. So then I worry about if I don't pass it, you know, like people are going to ask me how I did and if I don't pass it I'm gonna have to tell them, it's embarrassing for me. Um, so that makes me really anxious.
neutral
communication behavior
43_21
Right.
neutral
communication behavior
43_23
Uh, I would say maybe like four or five years ago, um, I had to do a recording for work and I did not want to do it. I was trying to find every way that I can get out of during this recording. And, um, and then I played my recording and because of the way sometimes I carry myself, like not confident and very anxious, um, I think other people don't always believe in me.
neutral
communication behavior
43_24
And so, um, when I played the recording, it actually ended up being one of the best recordings and like my supervisor and our national consultant, they were very like shocked about it because it because of just was the way I carried myself. So I thought, I don't really like compliments that makes me, um, anxious too again people compliment me, but it was a nice feeling because I really didn't trust in myself. And to know that I did a good job.
neutral
communication behavior
43_26
Um, it made me feel good.
neutral
communication behavior
43_28
Yeah, I did.
neutral
communication behavior
43_30
Yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
43_32
I mean, I think again, like all that anxiety, the same anxiety I had with that I have with those tests. And so, um, but that if I pass this test, if I could have that same feeling that I had, like when I did a good job like the-- you know, I mean, I would like to have that feeling again.
change
communication behavior
43_34
You know.
neutral
communication behavior
43_36
Right
neutral
communication behavior
43_38
Yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
43_40
Well, considering this test is coming on the way in a few days, um, I think, for me and just like practicing and just really seeing how I do and if I do well, then I think my confidence might go up a little bit.
change
communication behavior
43_42
And maybe just having that faith in myself that, you know, that I can do it instead of just thinking that I can't.
change
communication behavior
43_44
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
change
communication behavior
43_46
Yeah.
change
communication behavior
43_48
Thank you.
neutral
communication behavior
45_1
Fine. Where do you want me to sign?
neutral
communication behavior
45_3
Not really.
neutral
communication behavior
45_5
Yeah, whatever. I just, yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
45_7
It's just like the same thing every day like, I don't really know why. Like um, so I signed your paper, why are asking me all these questions?
neutral
communication behavior
45_9
Yup.
neutral
communication behavior
45_11
I guess so.
neutral
communication behavior
45_13
So you just wanna know my business?
neutral
communication behavior
45_15
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_17
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_19
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_21
Yeah. I mean I guess I'll be here if I have to be but I can't make any promises that I won't leave.
neutral
communication behavior
45_23
No, 'cause this just kinda feels like why do you need to know my business? Why do you care?
neutral
communication behavior
45_25
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_27
It's just like a lot.
neutral
communication behavior
45_29
And you feel like there's all these rules.
neutral
communication behavior
45_31
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_33
Right, I think that's the only thing that I wish I had now.
change
communication behavior
45_35
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_37
I guess like your sign your papers.
change
communication behavior
45_39
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_41
Not do this again so that I don't ever have to be here and be stuck in my house and all of these people coming to visit me and know my business.
change
communication behavior
45_43
Yup.
neutral
communication behavior
45_45
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
45_47
Not really.
neutral
communication behavior
45_49
All right.
neutral
communication behavior
45_51
Bye.
neutral
communication behavior
46_1
No.
neutral
communication behavior
46_3
Sure.
neutral
communication behavior
46_5
Yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
46_7
It's not a big deal. Sometimes with my friends, we'll drink a few beers and when we're hanging out or when we're at a party, and sometimes rum and cokes.
sustain
communication behavior
46_9
Um, three or four, probably. I don't keep track.
sustain
communication behavior
46_11
Um, probably about once or twice a month.
neutral
communication behavior
46_13
Probably since last October.
neutral
communication behavior
46_15
What do I like about it?
neutral
communication behavior
46_17
Um, I don't know. It's just fun to drink with my friends, like when we're at a party at someone else's house, and we're drinking with other people that we don't know. It tastes good.
sustain
communication behavior
46_19
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
46_21
Um, I don't like when I get sick in the mornings 'cause of hangovers and-
change
communication behavior
46_23
-when I start throwing up, that's not- I don't like that.
change
communication behavior
46_25
No, but that happened to someone I know, though.
neutral
communication behavior
46_27
Um, one time I missed first period of school 'cause I had a hangover and I was late getting up.
change
communication behavior
46_29
Mm, mom got mad at me 'cause I wouldn't get out of bed and she said she knew I had a hangover.
change
communication behavior
46_31
No, but I got grounded for two weeks after that. [chuckles]
change
communication behavior
46_33
Yeah, but I only missed school once.
sustain
communication behavior
46_35
Yeah.
neutral
communication behavior
46_37
Okay.
neutral
communication behavior
46_39
Um, probably a five.
neutral
communication behavior
46_41
Well, I guess I'm just tired of getting in trouble.
change
communication behavior
46_43
Um, not drink.
change
communication behavior
46_45
No, not really.
sustain
communication behavior
46_47
I could probably do that.
change
communication behavior
46_49
I don't know.
neutral
communication behavior
46_51
Yeah, probably.
change
communication behavior
46_53
Um, I could probably drink something else when my friends are drinking, like just coke.
change
communication behavior
46_55
I can probably hang out with some of my friends who don't drink or inviting them to parties and having fun 'cause not everyone drinks at parties.
change
communication behavior
46_57
Yeah. The-- My friends who don't drink would probably be happy that I'm not drinking either and yes, they'd support me.
change
communication behavior
46_59
Okay.
neutral
communication behavior
47_1
Fine.
neutral
communication behavior
47_3
It's not really any of your business.
neutral
communication behavior
47_5
Mm-hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
47_7
Hmm.
neutral
communication behavior
47_9
Okay.
neutral
communication behavior