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41_74 | Yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
41_76 | Yeah. Yeah. | change | communication behavior |
41_78 | Well, one of the things about this list that kind of surprised me is almost every time I have done this list, uh, creativity and freedom have been really high up there. And it didn't even make it to my top five. It was in my top 12. | change | communication behavior |
41_80 | But I think the conclusion that I came to is that I can be more creative and have more freedom if I have inner peace and self-respect. Part of what- part of what binds me, part of what takes my freedom away is when I just explain all over the place and I don't give any attention to myself. Part of what steals my creativity is when I'm- my mind is reeling around in stress and I am not- I can't even hear myself. I can't even hear myself think. How can you be creative if you can't even hear yourself? | neutral | communication behavior |
41_82 | Yeah, exactly, to me the creativity comes from the silence, comes from the quiet. It's literally-- I can just be in silence for even if for a few moments. It's amazing the ideas that come to me so quickly and so easily that would take me hours to figure out if I'm stressing. | change | communication behavior |
41_84 | Thank you, thank you for listening. | change | communication behavior |
42_0 | I don't know, I'm just having a lot of hard trouble trying to lose the rest of the weight. Um, right now, it's like no matter how much I try to exercise, run, or whatever, it doesn't matter like nothing else is coming off. | neutral | communication behavior |
42_2 | No, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong because I keep trying the exercise but nothing's happening. | change | communication behavior |
42_4 | Yes. | neutral | communication behavior |
42_6 | No, and even when I'm coming home, like, I'll go to the gym and then I'm noticing nothing is happening and I'll come home and I try to talk to my mama about it or even my father, and no one even cares about it. Like no one wants to support in it anyway. | change | communication behavior |
42_8 | Yes. | neutral | communication behavior |
42_10 | No, and specifically my father, he just-- Not only does he not want to support me with it but at the same time, he feels like I need to be gaining my weight back. | neutral | communication behavior |
42_12 | So I— | neutral | communication behavior |
42_14 | It's as though by me losing weight, it's like I'm somehow disconnecting from my family, and he thinks that I'm trying to form myself to fit into like this perfect American picture and I just want to be healthy, I just want to have a good body and he doesn't think of it that way. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_1 | Um, well, you know, I have a lot of anxiety, and so there's this test that I have to take. It's a big test and I've kind of been putting it off just 'cause I get very anxious. I don't trust in myself that I'm going to do good at it. Um, and so that's something that's like always on my mind, it's been on my mind for many years and it's like, I gotta just do it. Um, but I always stop myself from doing that because of the anxiety. And I just want to, I don't want to feel that way. | change | communication behavior |
43_3 | Yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_5 | Exactly. So, I just avoid it and put it off. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_7 | Um, maybe like a four or five. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_9 | I mean, because I-I have it set up after like so many years, so I still have a ton of anxiety about it, but I think I'm like kind of making it, maybe that first step. And so that's why I would rate it as like a four or five because I'm making that first step, but it's still scary for me. | change | communication behavior |
43_11 | Yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_13 | Yes. And I already kind of put it off after s-scheduling it too. So, um, now I'm actually enjoying that because I-I already like changed date and everything. So now it's actually coming. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_15 | Yes. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_17 | Um, well I think it's this kind of long time coming. I just need to do it and then I can figure out, if I don't pass, I have to wait three more months to do it. And then I just study for the next three months. And if I do, then I can have that weight lifted off my shoulders cause it's been all a lot of weight on me and I think about it every single day. And I'm just sick of thinking about it. | change | communication behavior |
43_19 | Yeah. But then I do worry, you know, that negative talk that, you know, when you have anxiety. So then I worry about if I don't pass it, you know, like people are going to ask me how I did and if I don't pass it I'm gonna have to tell them, it's embarrassing for me. Um, so that makes me really anxious. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_21 | Right. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_23 | Uh, I would say maybe like four or five years ago, um, I had to do a recording for work and I did not want to do it. I was trying to find every way that I can get out of during this recording. And, um, and then I played my recording and because of the way sometimes I carry myself, like not confident and very anxious, um, I think other people don't always believe in me. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_24 | And so, um, when I played the recording, it actually ended up being one of the best recordings and like my supervisor and our national consultant, they were very like shocked about it because it because of just was the way I carried myself. So I thought, I don't really like compliments that makes me, um, anxious too again people compliment me, but it was a nice feeling because I really didn't trust in myself. And to know that I did a good job. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_26 | Um, it made me feel good. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_28 | Yeah, I did. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_30 | Yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_32 | I mean, I think again, like all that anxiety, the same anxiety I had with that I have with those tests. And so, um, but that if I pass this test, if I could have that same feeling that I had, like when I did a good job like the-- you know, I mean, I would like to have that feeling again. | change | communication behavior |
43_34 | You know. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_36 | Right | neutral | communication behavior |
43_38 | Yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
43_40 | Well, considering this test is coming on the way in a few days, um, I think, for me and just like practicing and just really seeing how I do and if I do well, then I think my confidence might go up a little bit. | change | communication behavior |
43_42 | And maybe just having that faith in myself that, you know, that I can do it instead of just thinking that I can't. | change | communication behavior |
43_44 | Yeah. Mm-hmm. | change | communication behavior |
43_46 | Yeah. | change | communication behavior |
43_48 | Thank you. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_1 | Fine. Where do you want me to sign? | neutral | communication behavior |
45_3 | Not really. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_5 | Yeah, whatever. I just, yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_7 | It's just like the same thing every day like, I don't really know why. Like um, so I signed your paper, why are asking me all these questions? | neutral | communication behavior |
45_9 | Yup. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_11 | I guess so. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_13 | So you just wanna know my business? | neutral | communication behavior |
45_15 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_17 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_19 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_21 | Yeah. I mean I guess I'll be here if I have to be but I can't make any promises that I won't leave. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_23 | No, 'cause this just kinda feels like why do you need to know my business? Why do you care? | neutral | communication behavior |
45_25 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_27 | It's just like a lot. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_29 | And you feel like there's all these rules. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_31 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_33 | Right, I think that's the only thing that I wish I had now. | change | communication behavior |
45_35 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_37 | I guess like your sign your papers. | change | communication behavior |
45_39 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_41 | Not do this again so that I don't ever have to be here and be stuck in my house and all of these people coming to visit me and know my business. | change | communication behavior |
45_43 | Yup. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_45 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_47 | Not really. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_49 | All right. | neutral | communication behavior |
45_51 | Bye. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_1 | No. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_3 | Sure. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_5 | Yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_7 | It's not a big deal. Sometimes with my friends, we'll drink a few beers and when we're hanging out or when we're at a party, and sometimes rum and cokes. | sustain | communication behavior |
46_9 | Um, three or four, probably. I don't keep track. | sustain | communication behavior |
46_11 | Um, probably about once or twice a month. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_13 | Probably since last October. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_15 | What do I like about it? | neutral | communication behavior |
46_17 | Um, I don't know. It's just fun to drink with my friends, like when we're at a party at someone else's house, and we're drinking with other people that we don't know. It tastes good. | sustain | communication behavior |
46_19 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_21 | Um, I don't like when I get sick in the mornings 'cause of hangovers and- | change | communication behavior |
46_23 | -when I start throwing up, that's not- I don't like that. | change | communication behavior |
46_25 | No, but that happened to someone I know, though. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_27 | Um, one time I missed first period of school 'cause I had a hangover and I was late getting up. | change | communication behavior |
46_29 | Mm, mom got mad at me 'cause I wouldn't get out of bed and she said she knew I had a hangover. | change | communication behavior |
46_31 | No, but I got grounded for two weeks after that. [chuckles] | change | communication behavior |
46_33 | Yeah, but I only missed school once. | sustain | communication behavior |
46_35 | Yeah. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_37 | Okay. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_39 | Um, probably a five. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_41 | Well, I guess I'm just tired of getting in trouble. | change | communication behavior |
46_43 | Um, not drink. | change | communication behavior |
46_45 | No, not really. | sustain | communication behavior |
46_47 | I could probably do that. | change | communication behavior |
46_49 | I don't know. | neutral | communication behavior |
46_51 | Yeah, probably. | change | communication behavior |
46_53 | Um, I could probably drink something else when my friends are drinking, like just coke. | change | communication behavior |
46_55 | I can probably hang out with some of my friends who don't drink or inviting them to parties and having fun 'cause not everyone drinks at parties. | change | communication behavior |
46_57 | Yeah. The-- My friends who don't drink would probably be happy that I'm not drinking either and yes, they'd support me. | change | communication behavior |
46_59 | Okay. | neutral | communication behavior |
47_1 | Fine. | neutral | communication behavior |
47_3 | It's not really any of your business. | neutral | communication behavior |
47_5 | Mm-hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
47_7 | Hmm. | neutral | communication behavior |
47_9 | Okay. | neutral | communication behavior |
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